My Life as I Know It
by SuperFan3
Summary: An AU fic from Sam POV that tells of his life after meeting a beautiful huntress and falling in love. This takes place after John's death, and the roadhouse crew is discussed.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first real Sam fic, so be patient. I am a devoted Dean girl and a fan of Cassie's so they, in my world are pretty much together. I say that but I do have two fics where Dean is with other women of my creation. Okay on to the fic, thanks in advance for reading.

----

My Life as I Know It

A Sam-centric Fic

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger_, I am not sure that is of comfort now. I sat fluctuating between tears and curses as I watched my wife of five years fight for her life. She looked pale beneath the white sheets despite her naturally tan skin. The tubes in her arms pumped life-giving medicines through out her body. But the sun outside the window mocked my sadness, my anger, my frustration and my attempt at calmness. I longed to kiss her soft full lips, to look into her golden hazel eyes. I paced a few moments as I waited for Cassie and Dean to return my only child, one year old, Mackey to me. I felt like I might suffocate when the thought of my three year old's lifeless body came to mind. _Logan,_ my handsome son died in the car crash that put my wife, Lydia, in the hospital near death. My heart raced when the anger built up inside me again, _idiot drunk drivers_. I was about to take a seat again when my brother strode in the door with a determined look on his face.

----

"Hey, we can keep Mackenzie overnight man, let us know."

"Okay, I will maybe I will have her grandmother drop her off later. Thanks," I said as I attempted to smile at my older brother though there was no reason for a smile.

Cassie came in with my daughter by the hand. Dean and Cassie loved to practice with my children, now that they had one on the way.

"Thanks," I said again as she gave me a hug."

"Lydia will come out of this fine, you will see," she encouraged me.

The two of them had handled all the details for my son's funeral the week before. I still could not believe it had been a week since my child died, since my wife had lain in a coma on the edge of life, as we know it.

----

My little sweetheart toddled to me with her hands out. Her green eyes aglow with life and love. Her little feet not quite steady as she got ahead of herself and almost fell.

"Daddy," she said as I tried not to cry again for her mother, her dead brother.

My poor baby girl had no idea what has happening. She just wanted me to hold her. So I did. I held her close to my heart as I swore that we would all be all right. We had to be. If there were a God in heaven, he would do something to make up for what I had lost, though I had doubts lately. I still prayed but I wondered if the prayers hit the ceiling now and again. My child needed me to be strong; my wife needed me to be close. I needed to live and give strength to those left behind. But how did a father just let go of his son? How did he move on when the love of his life was fighting for her every breath?

----

Dean cleared his throat.

"So how is she?" he said as he brought a chair closer to the other side of the bed.

He could see in my face I had endured a long sleepless night, though all I could do was wait for the results from the doctors and let the medicine to do their work.

"They say she is a fighter. Her internal wounds seem to be healing slowly but they have hope."

"That's good news," Cassie said as she looked down at her sister in law, a kindred spirit. Not just because they were both of mixed racial heritage but they had become like sisters over the years. Both having to deal with Dean and my long held attitudes about things.

----

The door opened again and it was Lydia's mother, Kara, a tall dark woman with dreadlocks and a kind smile. She had been a widow for over fifteen years and reminded me of Missouri with her wise eyes.

"Hey Mom," I said as Mackey, wiggled in my lap.

"Hey Sam, how you holding up?"

I nodded, "I'm good."

Kara believed in the Supernatural because her youngest had been able to see ghosts as child. She had done lots of study on the spiritual world and taught Lydia about it when she was young. Lydia's sister, Minnie, a psychic worked for the local police department in the small town in Arizona where they were raised. Kara had told me after I met her that I was just what stubborn daughter needed in her life, a man that understood what she was all about.

----

We all talked for a bit about old times before the nurses decided the room was too full of people and they all had to leave. I said my good byes and allowed Kara to take Macky home with her for the night, but Cassie and Dean would pick her up in the morning. When the room was empty again I sighed. Maybe I was a curse to all those around me. Why had I taken the step into never land and gotten involved? But I know why, I had fallen head over heels for a beautiful huntress, Lydia Evonne Caldwell.

----

_**Five Years Before**_

Dean and I had argued because I finally put my foot down about our wasting our lives by living in the past. At first he had disagreed angrily, he yelled about how we were needed and the service we provided was vital. When he ran out of steam it hit him that if I had no interest in continuing the fight he could go back to be with Cassie. I shrugged at his revelation with the thought that he had to be joking. The next thing I knew he had packed his bags and was headed out the door.

"You coming?" he asked as he stood by the Impala."

I could only laugh.

"No I think I will catch a bus to New York maybe see Sarah."

"Good idea bro, catch you on the flip side."

I shook my head as he left, maybe I was dreaming because it all seemed surreal. Mr. No Chick Flick moments, I do not need all the drama had jumped at the chance to head back to his old love. I woke up the next morning to find that Dean was gone and I was truly alone. _It wasn't a dream, where do I start? _

_----_

I paid online for tickets on Greyhound then went to diner for breakfast. I spotted a small table near the back so I headed for it without paying much attention to the other diners. Actually so much so that I bumped into the waitress.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to the tall auburn haired beauty that stared hesitantly at me as she righted her tray before the cereal bowl fell off.

"No problem," she said before she passed me.

I felt light headed after the incident so I was glad to sit down. I watched the waitress as she took care of the other table before she came to mine. I realized right away that her hair was more brown than red but what held my gaze was her eyes. Her golden green eyes that were prevalent among those of mixed race. Or so I had noticed.

"Can I get you some coffee?" she asked as she held a pot in each hand.

"Sure, regular. Thanks," I said with a smile.

She poured the coffee quickly and accurately before she sat down the other pot long enough to put a menu in front of me.

"I'll be back for your order in a sec," she said before she walked off.

----

I read the local paper I had grabbed on the way in as I waited for my meal after I gave my order. My mind kept wandering to the waitress; ever few seconds I looked up to see what she was doing. She was slim, buxom and moved with grace. She was friendly and easy going as she helped the other customers. I bit my lip as I tried to be nonchalant in my observance of her. Finally something in the news caught my eye.

_HE'S BACK, THE SERIAL KILLER IS BACK_

_It has been six weeks since the last mysterious murder but last night they found a freshly mutilated cow in the woods. Sheriff, Nathan Woodard, says he has no idea what to make of the latest victim. This is the tenth cattle mutilation where no clues have been left that point to the perpetrator. There are no prints, of any kind present at these scenes. Local farmers are frantic. More on the nightly news. _

_----_

I was startled to find that the waitress was looking over my shoulder at the article. She held my plate in one hand while the other was on her hip.

"Sorry," she said when I looked up at her.

"No problem. It is um disturbing to the locals no doubt," I said to her.

"Yeah, everyone is afraid whoever is doing this will turn to humans next," she said as she bit her lip showing even white teeth, though she had a slight overbite it didn't deter from her beauty. I tried not to stare.

"I can imagine," I replied as I salted my food after she sat it in front of me.

"I am sorry about earlier," I added.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile as she left to go take her of the other diners.

Lydia, that was her name on the tag.

----

I hesitated as I pulled out my cell to call Dean. He would want to know what was happening, I was sure of it. He would see the same thing I had seen immediately, this could be a sign of the yellow-eyed demon. We could not stop hunting if he was near. I tried his cell several times but continued to get out of service messages. I bit my lip as I considered phoning Cassie. What if Dean was kidding, if he had not headed her way would it be cruel to call her only to find out he had changed his mind? I took a deep breath as I took a chance.

"Hey Cassie."

"Hey is this Sam?"

"Yeah."

"What's up Sam, do you need to talk to Dean?"

"Yes is he there?"

"Hold on."

I sighed as I waited for what seemed forever.

----

"Missing me already, Sammy?"

"You wish, hey Dean I have some news."

"What's up?"

"Cattle mutilations here where you left me, man. A lot of them."

We had only stayed the night there on the way back from California. He was quiet for a long time.

"You there?"

"Yeah. Are there any other of the signs?"

"Not sure yet."

"Let me know and I will come back, okay."

"What about Cassie?"

"We are only just beginning to figure this out, but I think she would understand."

"Good man, I hate to do this to you."

"No, this has been our life; if we can end this by killing that damn thing then we have to do that."

"Later."

----

That night I headed to the woods instead of taking the Greyhound to New York. The desire to get the demon was fresh in my mind though I had a few doubts about going at it alone. I took a deep breath before I stood on the edge of the area where the last cow was found when I heard something ahead of me. I stopped behind a tree to see someone tall, but shorter than me, creep forward. The figure seemed slim and almost feminine. They carried a backpack of some sort but it did not appear to slow them down. Cat woman came to mind, maybe it was the all the black. Black boots, black jacket, black jeans, black pack. I stayed a few trees behind as I made sure I was the only one following the person in black.

----

Suddenly, there was a flash ahead of us, it was grey or it seemed to be. Whatever it was had yellow eyes and was gone in an instant. The person I had begun to follow stooped low, for a moment I thought they were in pain. Then I saw there was something lying motionless on the ground. He or she looked at the dead animal, that I could see now was another cow without touching it. A second later, the person went flying against the large tree in front of her, before it hit the ground. I pulled out my gun and raised it as I quickly checked the area. No other movement, no more flashed of color. What the hell was that? Whatever it was had thrown the other person with some invisible force. We both needed to be careful. I went to them without another thought but kept an eye out as looked around aware that my EMF meter had not gone off. This was odd considering the strange occurrence. I checked the pulse of what I could see clearly now was a woman as she lie on the ground. The woman was Lydia, the waitress from the diner. I had hoped to go back the next morning to talk to her again because I had been attracted to her, immediately.

----

I picked her up carefully, she seemed unconscious from being thrown against the tree. I took her to my rental car. It was an older mustang, the last available vehicle they had at the rental place. She began to come around while I attempted to put her in the small back seat.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she struggled in my arms.

"You are hurt, I am trying to help you," I said softly to avoid agitating her further.

"Hey, you are the guy from the diner," she said as I put her down.

I was distracted by her beauty all over again. She looked up at me a bit unsurely.

"Yeah, I'm Sam Winchester," I said as she looked with recognition into my face.

"Winchester?'

"Yeah, like the gun," I said with a slight smile though I was uneasy about where we stood.

We needed to get out of the area not stand around talking.

"I can get in on my own," she said as I helped her stand up.

She rubbed the back of her head.

I have heard of your family," she said.

"Really?"

"You have a brother named Dean and your father is John."

"Was…"

"Sorry, I did hear that you father had passed. John and you boys are legends in the world of ghost hunters."

I laughed. _Legends, more like causalities_.

"I have my own car, but thanks for the help." she said as she began to walk away. I didn't think she should be alone. Besides I wanted to talk to her, to find out what she was doing out in the woods. Was she looking into the cattle mutilations?

----

"We should get out of here, but can we meet up to talk about this?" I said as I pointed to where I had seen her.

"Um, I look into the same type of things that you do," she said.

Of course having seen what she was doing I had figured that. But I wondered why aloud.

"You do?'

She laughed.

"Well, Sam follow me I know of an all night diner. Maybe we can compare notes," she said with a smile before she walked away.

----

I followed her to a Denney's not far from the hotel and we walked in together. After being seated at a booth toward the back, we both relaxed a minute after the waitress brought our coffee.

"You hunt?'

"Yeah, don't seem so surprised. Surely you know of women in the business," she said with a smile.

"Well, actually I have met only a couple over the years," I confessed.

"There are more than you can imagine, Sam."

She told me about being introduced into things involving the supernatural as a child by her mother. Her grandparents were into voodoo in the South, though her mother disapproved of that type of spiritualism. Her father had been a hard working maintenance man at the local high school until his death. He had not shared his wife's belief in the supernatural.

-----

It all started she shared when her mother's sister had died in a mysterious fire when her eldest son was six months old. Afterwards when her younger sister had begun to see things that no one else could and later read thoughts, Lydia had become a true believer.

"Your Aunt died in a fire above your cousin's crib?" I asked with the desire to make sure I had heard correctly.

She nodded, sadly.

"Do you know that is the same thing that happened to my mother?"

"I was aware, yes. It is part of the Winchester story that has been spread about your family."

I picked up the menu mostly so I could take all the information in. Rumors of their family, people in the hunting community, I had only recently begun to understand that there were so many out there, knew about them. The waitress came to stand by their table.

"Ready to order?"

----

While they prepared our meal I was lost in my own thoughts when Lydia touched my hand.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah. I was hoping that the cattle mutilations might be a sign we were finally close to the yellow eyed demon that killed my mother."

"I don't know did you see the gray flash that I saw out there?" she asked as she tilted her head to the side. She seemed sympathetic to my silence.

"I did, I think it may have been a wolf."

"That is what I thought, but they do not move that fast, unless they are somehow possessed."

I nodded, those were my thoughts exactly. But why? A possessed wolf killing cattle? What would be the purpose if not just to cause fear and panic?

We sat in a companionable silence until our food arrived. We had both order breakfast since it was already after one in the morning.

----

"So when did you start hunting?" I asked between bites.

"Well I have done it off and on since I was around seventeen. It wasn't a career choice but the more I dug into the information the more I wanted to help. I mean its stupid really I should have gone to college or moved to New York to act," she said with a smile.

"Is that what you had planned?"

"Yeah I wanted to model, but like I said I guess I needed to do something I felt that mattered. It has never been a full time thing neither has waitressing. I take online classes right now because I have connections at the local college and I plan to teach part time when I receive my certification."

"For?"

"Computer programming."

"That sounds like a nice plan. Would you be able to leave and go hunt?'

"I will have an assistant so that will not be an issue."

I liked that she had a plan, I wished I had one. At that moment my thoughts drifted toward her lips again. My heart had not stopped reacting to her from earlier and it was a bit disconcerting.

----

"So Sam are we going to figure this out together or are you moving on?" she teased me with a grin.

"Oh um, I wouldn't mind help with this case. It doesn't seem like the yellow eyed demon is involved as I thought earlier so I can safely call Dean to tell him to stay put."

"Sounds like a plan, we should probably get some sleep after this and I can meet you after work to discuss this so we can do some research before we head out again tomorrow night."

I laughed. She was a woman who know what she wanted. I had an idea that meeting her was not an accident. It could have been fate, kismet or serendipity but not an accident.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

As I Know It

Chapter Two

_**Back to Present Day**_

Once they left with my little girl, I took Lydia's hand in mine, the one without all the tubes, and decided to pray in earnest. After a deep cleansing breath, which my wife usually swore by, I closed my eyes. My hands engulfed her small ones as I began. _Oh God, I have begged, pleaded, bargained and tried in various ways to get your attention on this matter. I have spent my life fighting evil, just as she has done; we put to death many vile things in our lifetimes. How could this happen to her? _I stopped; I did not think that ranting was a way to get God's favor, so I tried a new approach. _The matter of my… heart …my love…that lay before me surviving by a thread. What do I have to do to get your help in this? I want to know…_ I said before the tears broke through from behind my eyelids and landed on my cheeks. _I am all out of persuasive things to say, all out of options to suggest I need her in my life and I really want to believe you can provide the solution. _I sighed as I wiped back the tears to see that nothing had changed, at least not anything I could tell at the time.

----

"Oh, Honey, please wake up, I need you to talk to me. I need to see your eyes light up with that mischievous grin. I love you so much. I know you will be sad for Logan but we can get through this together, I promise. Mackey and I need you. She misses her mommy just like I do," I said as I stroked her face. I wanted to kiss her, to hold her so badly I could taste it. The tears came again as I put her hand up to my face. I wasn't aware of a presence in the room at first; I only knew that I felt a wind across my face and peacefulness shot through me, suddenly. I looked around to see an opaque form in the corner. _Mom? _As I took in the form of the spirit in front of me, I realized it was my mother, Mary Winchester. I could not help but think she looked the same as the last time I had seen her.

----

The figure became more solid as she floated toward me. Her mouth never moved but I heard her words clearly, as she leaned her face lightly against mine. It felt like a breath instead of a person, gentle as a feather.

"She's okay, Sammy," my mother said.

"But Mom"

"Shhhhh, just believe," she whispered as she faded away, "Believe," she repeated.

I sat for a moment with my hand still clasping my wife's, _I do want to believe_.

----

I was about to leave the room to find the doctor when he walked in.

"How are you holding up?"

_Why did everyone ask me that? I wasn't the one in the hospital bed._

"I'm fine, but when is she going to wake up?" I asked, my voice laced with concern.

He picked up the charts as he looked over her tubes and the numbers on the monitors beside her bed.

"There is no way to know, but the reports show she is doing better than she looks."

"Really, I mean be honest with me."

"Absolutely, you see the bruises and the tubes but she has a strong heart beat, her body is healing itself."

_Healing?_ That reminded me of Logan, my son who had the gift of healing from the time he was born.

"Well, that's good to hear."

"When she wakes up it will be better because we can get her to move around then so atrophy does not set in."

"When will she wake up?"

"There is no way to know, but the sooner the better. You have been talking to her right? I think it will help though there is no real medical evidence to prove it," he said with a slight smile.

----

_**Five years before-Sam & Lydia's first hunt**_

I phoned Dean after I walked Lydia to her car. She had kissed me on the cheek before she smiled and drove away. I watched her leave like a kid with his first crush, when I realized what I was doing, I went to the rental and drove back to the motel. I had to laugh to myself, this wasn't how I had planned my day. I was supposed to be on the way to see Sarah by now. It is a good thing I hadn't called her but wanted to surprise her.

----

Dean did not seem all that disappointed to hear that the culprit did not seem to be the yellow-eyed demon. He assured me he would come back whenever I needed him, but other wise he was content to stay with Cassie. He indicated she had welcomed him with open arms, despite the fact that he had not totally given up hunting. I was not certain I believed that Cassie had been all that enthusiastic to have Dean just show up but I did know my brother had his ways of persuading women that I had no desire to hear all the details about.

----

The next afternoon Lydia arrived at the motel in time so we could drive to the library together. She was casual in blue jeans and a tee shirt worn with sandals, just perfect for the warm day. She brought her duffle bag to change later so we put it in the room before leaving in her older black Nissan Pathfinder. She grinned as she climbed in.

"So Sam Winchester do tell me some fabulous story of a hunt where you were the hero," she teased me.

I laughed, I loved the way she took what we did in stride. I looked forward to seeing her in action though I was apprehensive that either one of us might get injured.

"Well, I confess my brother has saved me on more than one occasion, but I can think of one incident where I came to his rescue."

"I am sure you are being modest."

A little modesty wasn't bad, right? I told her about the scarecrow incident where Dean and I had argued and I went off with the hope of going to find my father alone. Dean went to the small town to investigate several missing couples that had disappeared in the town. The next day I got a bad feeling because he had stopped answering his phone I went to find him. Though part of me believed, he was only being stubborn.

"So you showed up in time to save the day?"

"Exactly." I smiled.

"Well I am impressed. I am certain Dean was thankful."

"You could say so he didn't want to become a sacrifice to the town legend by any means."

----

At the library we sat in the back so we could speak above a whisper a we both used the microfiche machines first. She seemed to be comfortable with scanning the pages quietly in concentrated effort. She bit her lip as she focused on her task, while I found myself distracted by her presence, again. I wasn't convinced that the machine held her complete attention either when I felt her staring at me. I looked over with a smile but she only went back to her search. We were more than a little aware of one another that was obvious.

----

Three hours passed before we left the library. My back was a bit sore from leaning over the machines and she yawned as we went to her car. At lunch, we talked about what we had found.

"Looks like this thing has been around for a while," she said.

"And you have not heard about it?"

"I have only lived her about six months."

"Oh."

She told me she had lived most of her life in Arizona but decided she needed a change and had moved to Nevada to do that. Her mother had not been happy but at the time she moved she was unsure of her plans so a new start had appealed to her.

"I mean I am single, I hunt and that takes me all over anyway, I did not have anything to lose."

"I have to ask…"

"What?"

"What about a man in your life? I mean have you been married?" I asked.

"Have you?" she teased.

So I told her about Jessica Moore, my girlfriend who had died because of the demon that killed my mother.

"Oh Sam, I am sorry."

"Don't be, I mean it's not your fault. I honestly believed I could live a normal life at one time."

"I am not against marriage at all, I have not found anyone who will put up with what I do," she smiled.

I nodded, "I am in the same boat," I said as bit into my burger.

----

We ate and chatted about weapons and hunts she had been on. It was a strange conversation in many ways but comforting in others. Her face lit up before she gave away the punch to the story or how she killed the being. Our shared world seemed to open up to me as I spoke with her about things no other woman had ever discussed with me. Even Sarah only knew as much as we had told her.

"Lydia, would you be willing to go on a date with me when we get this thing taken care of?"

"Oh, so you are convinced we can do this? I like confidence in a man," she said with a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes.

"Hey I am a Winchester," I teased.

"That you are."

"So?"

"Yes, of course, I will go out with you," she said with a radiant smile.

----

At the hotel, she changed back into her black jeans, a black hoodie over her white shirt, black boots, while Sam waited in the car. I appreciated that she wanted to be warm and not have to worry about comfort while they hunted. As I sat in her car I wondered if she had felt any of the electricity that was flying crazily in the atmosphere each time we had been together. Maybe I imagined it but I was not prone to flights of fantasy so I was ready to bet that I was not the only one aware of it.

Once we were back in the woods we park the car and started out on foot. We both carried guns filled with silver bullets, I had a rock salt gun, she had a knife in her boot and carried a bow and arrow plus other things I was unaware of. We had various other helps in our bags including holy water, the journal, plus small weapons would could need. I was impressed by her stealthiness, she walked light on her feet. We were in a thick patch of woods this time and the darkness enveloped us. I kept close enough to grab her if I saw something but far enough behind that I could watch out for us both.

----

I was scanning the area when she stopped suddenly in front of me. I saw why a second later. She had almost fallen over a dead body of a young man. His body was torn to shreds. We both knew it had to be an animal that had done it, as hard as it was to leave the victim where he lie we kept moving. There was no flash of grey this time or yellow eyes to give us a clue. Neither of us spoke but the fact was we had come to find who or what had done the killing. I was glad she had not hesitated or panicked.

----

We walked at least another twenty minutes, I had no idea how large the woods were but we went at an angle to avoid getting lost on the way back since we had no breadcrumbs. In the end, we decided that whoever the culprit was he had done his damage for the night and moved on. We stopped at a pay phone on the way back to make the report about the body. Lydia shook her head, as she frowned.

"Maybe he has changed the plan, now he is killing humans."

"Not a good sign at all," I agreed.

----

Though it was late we both went into my motel room. We needed to try to rethink our ideas about what was going on. I made us both coffees as she sat back on the empty bed with her boots off.

"Hope you do not mind me getting comfortable."

"No, of course not," I said as I sat down at the desk in front of the laptop to wait for it to boot up.

"You know I think who ever is doing this is possibly bringing the cattle or in this case the body from another location."

"I agree, well because we know the cattle are no were near the wood to begin with," I said.

"Right so, I am thinking that we may have some kind of cult here or ritualistic group."

"That makes sense. They take the insides and used them for something, maybe the guy tonight is being used by a copy cat as a scare tactic," I began as I typed a search for cattle rituals.

"I know it sounds insensitive but I think the guy tonight was a fluke. Whoever did it wants us to group them/him/her in with the other mutilations."

"So you say the cops here have had no idea that this could be a problem until now."

"My friend at the station said they were trying to ignore it until the reporter put his nose into it."

"Then the police have to pretend to care what is happening, right?"

"Exactly. The fact that a few farmers lost their bread and butter wasn't enough to encourage them, "she said with a bit of anger.

I liked her spunky indifference toward the police; it kind of turned me on.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Life as I Know It

Chapter Three

_**Present Day-three days later**_

I sat faithfully beside Lydia's bed as I read a book on possible complications from comas when Dean brought Mackey in the room to me. My brother walked in with Mackey in his arms and Cassie at his side.

"Hey, how are you holding up?"

"I'm good. Thank you two for watching out for my little girl," I said as Dean came over to put my daughter in my arms.

She seemed sleepy as she held on to me. I didn't realize there were tears in my eyes until I felt them on my cheeks.

"Sam, what is it?" Cassie asked as she came to stand beside me.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. The doctor says she could be paralyzed now, but she really needs to wake up so they can see how she is mentally and physically."

Cassie bit her lip as she tried to put on a brave face.

"But it could just be temporary if at all."

"Come on Sam you know Lydia is strong. She is still here after being thrown thru a window at forty miles an hour. That in itself is a good sign," Dean encouraged.

"He is right, she is fighting in there. You need to just have hope, okay," Cassie added as she rubbed my shoulder. I told them about having seen Mom and Dean wasn't surprised.

"Hey if Mom said she will be okay then we need to hold on to that. There was a time when she came to me when Cassie was sick remember?"

I did remember at the time I believed that Dean had been seeing things though I knew he wasn't the type to reach for straws. Maybe he had a point.

---

They visited for a time before they took off since Kara was to come later to pick up my daughter who sat sleep in my arms. I looked down at her and she seemed so peaceful. Her long lashes lay against her rounded cheeks. _Innocence_. Dean had said she seemed to be looking for her brother from time to time, once she had tried to say his name as she toddled around their house, _Oh,_ was what she called him. How do you tell a one year old her brother is not coming home?

---

Then I heard a voice beside me.

"Sam."

I turned to see that Lydia had finally awakened. She smiled at me though I figured it had to be painful to speak with the tube in her mouth. I pushed the nurse's button before I spoke.

"Sweetie, oh my God, you finally woke up. Don't try to talk okay," I said as I moved out of the way so the nurse could check her vital signs.

I put Mackey on my shoulder as I watched while another nurse came into help situate Lydia more comfortably. It seemed forever that the asked her questions about how she felt, took the tube from her mouth, readjusted the levels in her medicine, wrote on her chart and told me she looked good for her condition.

"She shouldn't try to talk much but she is breathing on her own and that is good," they informed me as they left.

---

When they were gone, I sat down after I put the baby in her stroller so she could rest. I held on to my wife's hand with tears in my eyes again.

"The pain isn't too bad?"

"No not at all," she said as she watched me.

I felt shy suddenly with so many questions in my mind. Part of me wanted to just look in her eyes; it had been so long she had lain there without being awake. I stroked her long elegant fingers.

"Are you okay?" she asked with concern.

"I'm fine, I was worried for you I love you so much," I said quietly.

I got up to kiss her soft lips gently and I ran my hand over her hair. She squeezed my hand as I sat down again. She still had a long way to go but her being awake had lifted a weight from my heart. Though I had no idea how I was going to tell her about Logan. She seemed to hesitate before she finally asked.

"Where is Logan?"

I shook my head as the tears flowed full force, while she reached to touch my face.

"I'm sorry, Baby, we lost our little boy."

Her tears fell silently as she sighed. I could only imagine she felt guilty to be alive while our son was not.

"Tell me he didn't suffer, please," she said pleaded more with her eyes.

"He didn't," I said though we were both silent another moment with thoughts of our sweet boy in her minds.

"I wish….," she began.

"It doesn't help," I said.

She closed her eyes and I was quiet as I watched as she tried not to lose what little composure she had. I knew Lydia was strong. She also had strong spiritual beliefs so I understood she would believe Logan was in a better place. A place where there was no pain or suffering. No evil that needed to be hunted down or killed. He was safe with her God. The God I had to admit that had brought her through the mess.

---

"I know you don't totally believe in God, Sam. I get that you try to have faith, I appreciate that. There were times when we would kill something that I felt like God that I was the one in charge of getting rid of the things that go bump in the night."

She stopped for a breath.

"Please Baby, don't try to talk anymore," I said as I caressed her arm.

"But, Sam as much as I felt I helped God I know He is in charge. Though there was never a moment in my life that I desired to wake up one day and have anyone tell me my son was dead. Even though I am convinced he is with God I wish he were here with us," she whispered.

"I know, but you should rest don't worry about me," I said it was all I could say.

Religion had been the only stalemate in our marriage. However, it was never an issue that we fought about and it was not something I would argue over when I only wanted my wife to be okay. I needed her to be alive and healthy. I needed her with Mackey and me. We could face anything together.

----

_**Five years before-the first hunt**_

We stayed up that entire night doing research. Lydia fell asleep on the empty bed and allowed her to sleep. Of course, it was selfish since it gave me a chance to observe her without her knowledge. She lay in the fetal position with her head on a pillow; she seemed peaceful as she slept. Her long lashes lay against her cheeks and her lips were gently parted. I longed to stroke her hair to kiss her full lips, but decided against it. My body responded to the stray thoughts of making love to her that floated through my mind. I would have been mortified if she had woken up to see obvious arousal become my pants had tightened uncomfortably in the crotch. I covered her with a blanket when she was still asleep after an hour. I set the alarm so I could wake her for work, before I went to sleep myself. It was three thirty in the morning by then.

---

I woke up to the sound of the alarm three hours later to find she had gone while I slept. She left a note saying she would like me to pick her up after work and she gave me her cell number. I smiled to myself as I turned over to go back to sleep again. The second time I woke up it was from a vision. I could hardly breathe when I opened my eyes. I looked around the room to find I was alone. Though in the vision I had seen Lydia in the car with a little boy, somehow I knew it was my son. There was a car wreck in the vision and the little boy died. I could not stop crying. But maybe I was wrong and the little boy was Lydia's child now. I had to tell her either way.

---

While I waited for her to come to the car that evening, I considered my options. She and I did not know one another well enough for me to demand to know her life story. On the other hand, I figured I could just explain about my gift. She smiled as she got in the car.

"Good day at work?" I asked for something to say.

"Just like every other day," she said.

I smiled again as I tried not to stare. She had changed into jeans with a dark blue blouse that showed a bit of cleavage. I cleared my throat.

"So when did you leave this morning?"

"Oh I think about six, I didn't want to be late."

"Okay, I had set the alarm just in case."

"Thanks that is good to know, I am sorry I fell asleep on you," she apologized.

"No," I said as I reached to touch her hand, just a friendly gesture.

I was out of my element; I had no idea how to tell her about the vision. Then I decided honesty would be best.

---

"Lydia I had a strange dream sometime this morning, it was about you and a little boy."

She raised her eyebrow at me; I could see her confusion out of my peripheral vision.

"Just a dream, right?"

"Well in this dream there was a car accident and the little boy died."

"That is sad, Sam," she said as she bit her lip before we turned into the hotel parking lot.

I turned to face her after I parked the car.

"Lydia sometimes my dreams come true."

"Oh."

I told her about my visions and the many times they had turned into real life incidents.

"Kind of nice to know what could happen, right?" she said with a question in her voice.

I could tell she was thinking about the dream.

"I'm not trying to freak you out, I just wanted you to know."

"Yeah, thanks for telling me. We should go in to get back to work," she said with a small smile.

I did not reveal that I believed the little boy belonged to both of us. I hoped I wouldn't regret that decision.

---

We had been surfing the internet for more than hour as we looked for clues to what could be killing the cows when it hit me.

"I cannot believe I didn't think of this," I said as I hit myself in the head.

"What," she said as she got up out of the chair to stretch. For a moment I was distracted again as I looked her up and down.

"Um, yeah I think this is the work of Satanist."

"Now that is possible, I have heard of a local group but never any incidents have been connected to them."

"Well I do not think this is supernatural related. What I see is that perhaps the wolf thing we saw may be taking advantage of the cows that are dumped in the woods."

She smiled that does make the most sense.

"So this wasn't a real hunt," is said a bit sad only because I had hoped we could work together.

"No, but we should go see what the Satanist are up just to make sure before we turn them in for the cow killings."

"Oh absolutely I am glad we found out about the guy we fell over."

We had determined he was a runaway that had been killed and dumped in the woods, it was nothing to do with the cows whatsoever. Just a coincidence. The police had blocked off all sides of the wooded area temporarily to keep people out.

---

That night we visited the local satanic place of worship to find all the lights on. It looked as though they were meeting. There were people about as they got out of their cars to go inside. We parked a little ways away to watch what was going on.

"Looks like a regular service, like a church," Lydia said.

"Yeah it does, I wonder how out of place we will look if we just went in to sit at the back," I suggested.

She shrugged, "Guess it depends if they know all the members."

"I think this group will fairly familiar with the entire group, I think we should wait."

She agreed so we stayed in the car in our spot that was hidden from view.

---

It was a couple of hours before we saw the people come out again. They came outside but went in small groups back behind the building. Then they seem to disappear from site. We decided this would be the time to check out the lay up of the church. We were surprised to see there were still a few worshipers still inside. One of them approached us. A young woman with blonde hair and green eyes. She couldn't have been more than twenty.

"Can I help you?"

"Um we were supposed to meet Jen here, looks like we messed the service," I said as though it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be at a satanic church.

"Oh, well I do not know anyone by that name, but everyone else is gone down to the after service meeting. It's out back, you can't miss the entrance to the underground area once you walk a few hundred feet out there."

"We will just go find her, thanks," Lydia said with a smile.

"No problem," the girl said as she walked away without a second glance.

---

We found what looked like a shed when we were behind the church it was the only thing with an opening so we went in the open door and heard noises as soon as we got inside. Both of us had our weapons so we weren't as frightened as we probably should have been. There were stairs just inside the door and we followed them as quietly as we could. Before we were two steps down, we heard chanting. The steps were made of sandstone or something similar and were a bit noisy so we were on tiptoe because did not want them to hear us. The noise was loud the more we went down in to what could be called a cavern. The room was huge, at least the size of a football field and several people were gathered around the altar that took up most of the middle of the room. On the altar was a cow, its body cut down the middle. The high priest or at least a guy in a hooded robe stood with the heart of the animal over its head. His hands were bloody and for a moment I felt a bit sick. We had seen what we needed to see. Now we just needed to get out without being caught. Lydia touched my arm when she realized that someone was looking at us. _Uh oh._

_---_

An older man with in jeans and a tee shirt came toward us with a frown on his face. He stepped in front of us but had a smile by the time he spoke to us.

"Are you the new comers?"

"Um, I think we may have gotten the wrong place," Lydia said.

"We were looking for Jen and the girl upstairs was not certain if anyone by that name was in the group."

"Jen? " he said as he scrunched up his face as he tried to think.

Whatever ritual they were working on continued as we talked to the man, though it seemed surreal in my mind. The cow. The blood, the chanting.. I really wanted to get out and the sooner the better.

"No, I cannot think of a Jen, except my ten year old granddaughter," the man said.

"It is obviously not the right place, we must have screwed up on the directions," Lydia said with a smile.

"Yeah, I think so. Let me help you get back out of here," he said as he indicated for us to follow him.

He took us up the stairs and to the parking lot, then stayed to watch as we walked back to the car. The entire time I was apprehensive that someone would want to tie us up somewhere for a later meal. I know it was stupid but just because they had a cow on the altar did not mean that a human sacrifice would be frowned upon.

---

By the time we were back in the car, both of us were sweating. Lydia seemed speechless. I cranked up the Mustang and drove out to the road to go back to the motel.

"Okay I have seen some strange things but I have to say Satanists are creepy," she said.

"I agree with you there," I said as a chill ran up my spine.

Human's that were notoriously evil always sadden me almost more than the supernatural evil we dealt with. The Benders came to mind, they were a crazy bunch of human's that Dean and I had run into years ago. They actually hunted and killed humans for sport. I needed a drink suddenly. Lydia and I decided to stop for one a piece.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_**Present day**_

Kara came in with Mackey an hour later, after I let her know that Lydia was awake. Her entire face was one big smile when she saw her daughter.

"Oh praise God, I am so glad to see your eyes open."

"Hi Mom," Lydia said with a weak smile.

"Momma, momma," Mackey said as she clapped her hands together as Kara passed the baby to me.

"Yes, your mommy is awake." I said as I kissed my little girls round cheeks.

She smiled at me as I held her for a second before I put her down to kiss her mother's cheeks while Lydia traced her fingers over the little girls nose. She smiled at the baby and her mother as the tears came again.

---

Kara had not been able to make Logan's funeral because she had been out of the country. There was no way she could have gotten back by the time we buried him. Later, I thought I had been selfish for burying him so soon though Kara had insisted she would remember her grandson as the sweet little boy he had been. I smiled at her across the bed as she looked at me. I bounced my daughter on my knee as she smiled up at me. Her short dark curls lay softly against her head, while I touched them gently before she leaned against my chest. I sighed deeply, I had to think about who I had in my life, and not dwell on the past though it was hard. I was not grieving for my son very well.

"How are you?" Kara asked as she put her full attention back on her daughter.

"Better, though I am sore all over they say I am looking better. They say it could be another week before they let me go home. She bit her lip, I knew her thoughts had wandered to Logan again. Cassie and Dean had gone to our house to put Logan's things in the attic so the reminders weren't all over the house. Of course, neither I nor Lydia would ever forget our eldest.

---

Flashback-Logan's birth

Lydia went into labor one week early while we were in the movie theatre. She had squeezed my leg so hard I almost jumped out of my seat.

"Sam," she said calmly despite the pain that had shot through my leg.

"Yes," I said in a whisper as I saw the fear in her eyes despite the darkness.

"Honey, my water broke we need to go."

"Sht," I said as everyone began to shush us.

We got up to leave right away. At the hospital it was indeed verified that she was in labor so they got her ready. I paced the hall as I tried in vain to get a hold of Dean.

"Dean, you and Cassie need to come Lydia is in labor, please come. Man, I can't do this alone," I said into voice mail for the third time.

Dean picked up before I was able to finish the message.

"Hey, um okay Bro we will be there shortly."

"Sorry if I interrupted something, I know it's late."

"Don't worry about it we will get dressed and be right over," Dean said with a smile in his voice.

I was a nervous wreck when they arrived. Lydia was in with a nurse who was giving her a potential timeline. She looked nervous as I peeked at her through the door. I was about to go in the room when they walked up.

"How is she?" Cassie asked.

"Good, uh, no in pain. But…they said it as normal."

Dean smiled.

"Pain and childbirth go together I've heard. Remember that birthing video we watched when you were in sex ed? Yeah the one that is supposed to keep you from having sex," Dean said with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes at my brother.

"Okay, not the time to reminisce."

Dean laughed, it seemed a perfect time for him. Cassie hit him in the head.

"Breathe," Cassie said with a grin.

"What?"

"Go in and help her breathe," she repeated as the nurse came out of the room before she went down the hall.

Cassie and Dean went in with me, Lydia seemed to be calmer. I sighed as I went to her.

"So what do we do now?"

"Humm, I am going to have the baby, shortly and you…. are never coming near me again," Lydia said in all seriousness.

Cassie tried to hide her smile while Dean smirked again.

Before our eyes Lydia began to do deep breathing again as a contraction hit her. She reached for my hand and squeezed. The feeling that shot through my arm was twice as intense as when she had grabbed my leg earlier. I held in a scream.

"Well, will be outside if we are needed," Dean said as they left the room with a wave.

_Traitors._

It was seven hours later before Logan was born. I was there in the room to put him in my wife's arms. She smiled tearfully at him. He was at least twenty-one inches long with dark hair and eyes. They let me cut the cord and she held him a moment before they cleaned him up. The tears in my eyes blinded me momentarily but I was certain I was in love all over again, this time with not only my beautiful wife but also my new baby boy.

End Flashback

---

After Kara left, I was speechless, though all I wanted was to hold my wife in my arms. Lydia seemed sleepy as she yawned with a slight smile. I sighed as she reached for my hand.

"I will be okay, Sam, stop worrying now," she whispered with a wink at me.

"I am relieved," I began as Mackey moved in her sleep in my lap.

I picked her up to put her on my shoulder. She smelled of baby powder, so sweet and clean. I shook my head as a flash of Logan came through my mind.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be fine, I should let you rest a bit, but I will be back, okay," I said as I leaned down to kiss her lips.

She stroked my face with her free hand though I saw the tears she held back in her hazel eyes.

"We can do this, Sam, for Logan's sake and for Mackey," she said calmly though I could only nod.

I held my daughter close to my chest as I left the room to run into my brother.

---

"Hey you said she is awake?"

"Yeah but Kara came by to talk and now Lydia needs to rest a bit, come with me downstairs and you can visit after if you have time."

"Okay."

"Where is Cas?"

"Working at home, she has felt tired lately," Dean said a bit hesitantly.

"Dean its okay, I do not wish harm on your child. Logan's death was an accident, the people who did that to my family are paying. I look forward to being an uncle."

Dean smirked.

"Okay, I got to tell you I am terrified of being a Dad," my brother said as he got in step beside me and my daughter.

I was quiet as the yellow eyed demon came to my mind. _Could he have orchestrated the death of my son?_ It made no sense, my daughter was a year old my son had been three, the old way of getting to the root of the demon mystery no longer applied. It was an entirely new game, despite Logan's gift.

---

Logan's healing power had been evident almost since birth, though our family was not prone to illnesses it had been a friend of Lydia's that he had healed first. She had been over to see him as an infant, but she had a band aid on her arm where she had run into her rose bushes. There were deep scratches on her arm as well. She held him and cooed to him and as she got up she realized her purse was still on her arm. When she pulled it away her bandage came off and the scar was healed up as well as the other scratches. She looked at her arm in shock with no idea how it could have healed over in one day. Neither Lydia nor I was certain it had been Logan but when a similar incident happened with Cassie we told them our guess about what had occurred.

---

But it wasn't just his healing that was special. He was sweet, easy going infant who gave us no trouble. I wondered how he could die since he had a healing gift, no one had come up with a satisfactory answer. Bobby and Missouri had both researched the healing gifts and come up empty. Dean believed it could be a conspiracy though he was unable to prove it. The more I thought on it the more I wondered who was in the casket that had been buried. I knew Lydia with freak if I had our son's grave opened but in the back of my mind, I needed to get to the heart of the mystery. It would be my fault if my son was somewhere in a research lab being tested because I had been so grief stricken I did not pay close attention to what happened around me. I had to know. Dean tapped my shoulder as we stood at the elevator.

"You okay?"

"No man, we have to dig up Logan's grave."

"What? I got a feeling something is not right with his death."

"Sam, we have been over this."

"You do not have to go, you can watch my daughter, but I am going tonight," I said as we stepped in the elevator.

---

_**Five years before-the first date**_

I picked Lydia up at her house. She actually lived in a two story duplex. It was a nice area with green flourishing lawns and children in the street at play. I wondered how she could afford it but I recalled that her landlord treated her as if she was her own daughter. Lydia had laughed that sometimes she wouldn't take the rent from her. I laughed to myself, must be nice. I was stunned when she answered the door in a crimson colored short-sleeved silk dress. I had always thought she was beautiful but the dress looked awesome on her. It fit in all the right spots and my eyes landed in her cleavage. She cleared her throat though she grinned at me.

"I hope that means you like the dress."

I apologized for my rudeness as my cheeks flamed red.

"Don't worry about it come on in so I can finish my make up."

I walked into the living room, which boasted a sofa, loveseat and two side chairs, plus two end tables and a coffee table. There was also a fireplace at the end closest to the door and a patio on the right outside from the small hall. To my left was the moderately sized kitchen and small dining area, enough room for a table and two chairs. To make up for the small eating area the kitchen had a circular counter where stools could be placed underneath. I stood awkwardly in the living room as I looked through her bookshelf when I heard her call me.

"Sam can you come here, please?"

I followed her voice down the small hall to find her with her arms up around her neck.

"Can you help my necklace is stuck on my hair. "

"Sure," I said as I began to untangle her hair from the clasp.

It only took a moment but she was grateful. She leaned up to put her arms around my neck as my hands went automatically to her slim waist. I bent down to kiss her willing lips. Her hands went into my hair and I pulled her closer. My heart raced faster as the kiss intensified. I am not quite certain but I do believe her tongue found my teeth first but I was eager to become familiar with her tongue so I didn't complain. I could feel her heart beating as my hands roamed her back. We both stopped as suddenly as we had begun. She looked into my eyes a bit shyly.

"You're welcome," I said with a grin.

She smiled as she bit her lip.

"That was perfect," I added.

---

She took my hand to lead me to the living room where her shawl waited.

"We should go to make our reservations," she said with a smile.

"After you," I said as I tried not to stare as I followed her out the door.

The kiss should have been an icebreaker but somehow it made both of us uncertain. We were quiet on the way to there restaurant and I felt it was my fault.

"Don't apologize Sam, I kissed you. I have to say I thought you enjoyed it."

I smiled as I turned to her in the dimly lit vehicle.

"I did," I said before I bridged the gap between us to kiss again.

This time it was shorter but she grinned afterward as we both got of the car. I was beginning to like her spunkiness more by the minute.

---

At dinner we talked more about our various hunts. She had come against vengeful spirits, werewolves, skin walkers, doppelgangers and a few things that I had only a glancing knowledge about.

"So you've been around," I teased.

"Do say it like that," she teased back as she looked around the restaurant to make sure no one heard my smart alec comment.

"You know what I mean," I smiled.

"Yes I do," she said with a grin.

Her smile was sweet and I had a desire to kiss her again. So I changed the subject.

"So um when was the last time you visited your mother?"

"About three months ago. On the way back from California were I killed a poltergeist I stopped by for a week. We had a good time, I stocked up on supplies then came back here."

I didn't hear the last part of the sentence because I was lost in her eyes. They sparkled when she spoke, her smile was irresistible. _What am I going to do?_

_---_

"So Sam the mystery is figured out so are you leaving town?"

I knew I should but I refused to walk away from a woman that I was falling for. I had done it with Sarah and now I did not want to make the same mistake.

"Well, I thought I might hang around maybe work the state a bit if there is anything to hunt. Mainly I want to find clues to that damn demon."

"Yeah?" she asked as she shifted in her seat to lean more in my direction.

"Yes, you wouldn't mind right?"

"No, I would be glad to have a partner, you know at least for a while. If you do not mind working with me."

"No, I wouldn't mind," I said with thought of her warm body in my head.

I could imagine her soft round breasts, her smooth skin, her full soft lips, I had to shake myself when I realized she had spoken again.

"So let's drink to it," she said as she lifted her glass of pino grigio.

I raised my beer to click glasses with her. She bit her lip as she grinned.

"Good now that that is settled I guess we get back to research in the morning."

"Exactly."

"Hey, so the other signs that follow the demon are not happening?"

I shook my head, "No, just the mutilations which as we know were not related."

She nodded, as she stared in my eyes. Both of us were startled when someone cleared their throat. It was the waiter who had brought our check. The bill for two small steaks, a salad, baked potato, four drinks, green beans and appetizer was over fifty dollars. I had not planned to spend quite so much but I was still surprised when she wanted to pay.

"No Sam, I am the one with the job, let me okay," she said.

"I will not argue but I will pay half plus the tip."

She smiled, I was glad it did not turn into a big fight over who had more money. She accepted my offer with a smile.

---

Back at her place she invited me in for coffee but I refused, my mind was too full of thoughts of our bodies pressed together to be much good in conversation. I walked her to the door despite my refusal to go inside. I cradled her head in my hands as I leaned down to kiss her and she leaned up to put her arms around my neck.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, but I will see you after work tomorrow."

"Okay, I will come by the hotel after," she said as my lips crashed down on hers.

This was the case of the male no, meaning yes, though I did not act on my desires. Though her tongue traced every corner of my mouth it could find, and I reciprocated, I was able to contain myself and go back to the hotel. I did hold her in my arms long enough to have second thought about coffee, or dessert which I would have wanted to be her. When we finally broke apart, I said my goodnight but waited until she was safely inside to leave. I was proud of my self-control, at least parts of me agreed with my decision.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry I took so long for me to post this I though I had posted. Also this chapter contains a sensual scene I hope its not too much for the site. It will probably be the only chapter with the Mature rating. Thanks for reading.

Chapter Five

_**Present Day**_

Dean decided to come with me that night to the graveyard while Cassie watched Mackey. I couldn't let Lydia know what I was doing so I told her I would see her the next day. I felt bad about doing that, I had stayed until visiting hours were over just to ease my conscious. I had kissed my wife and lied about going home to rest. I knew I would not rest until I knew for sure where my son's body was.

"Sammy, this is just wrong."

"No Dean I have to know, what are you getting squeamish on me?"

"Man, I know it's hard for you, I mean if I lost my child in a senseless accident I might go a bit, um nuts too."

"Just dig okay," I said a bit angrily.

I could feel that something was wrong more strongly since we arrived at the cemetery. Though I was not sure where I would begin if what I believed about Logan were true. I also wondered why I had not done this earlier.

---

Once the small casket was uncovered, I held my breath as we opened the lid. Dean's mouth fell open when he saw there was no body inside. My tears ran freely as I it hit me that now I needed to find my son. Was he still alive? I sighed as Dean shook his head.

"Sam, what the hell is going on?"

Sam shook his head as he tried hard not to cry in front of his brother.

"I don't know but I will find out. How do explain this to Lydia?"

"Hey, I wouldn't tell her anything until you find out something."

---

On the way back to the car we were both silent, both with our own reasons for the way we felt. At the car, I could not bring myself to get inside. Where is Logan, my first born, my only son? I could not stop the tears as my brother stood by helpless to do anything to calm me.

"Sam, I know you are confused but we need to leave here, we can talk at your house."

I nodded and allowed him to help me into the car before he went around to drive despite it being my SUV we had come in to the cemetery.

---

Dean drove quietly as he let me gather my thoughts. Dean had his moments of outbursts, anger, frustration and usually they involved me but this time he seemed to know what I needed. I was appreciative. When we got to my house I thanked him for his consideration though he only grunted at me as we got out of the car. I needed to keep in mind that not only was Logan my son but Dean's only nephew and I knew he loved him with all his heart.

---

Cassie was surprised to hear the news though she held in her anger that someone would take my little boy as she tried desperately with us to figure out the reasons and where in the world he could be. We sat around the kitchen table after I put Mackey to bed. I often wondered why my little girl did not have gifts at the same time that I was thankful that she had avoided the crazy gift gene pool of mine.

---

"So we need to consider that Logan was taken by someone associated with the Demon," Dean said as he looked worriedly at me across the table.

"Yeah, unfortunately that is what worries me most. But what if they took him to experiment on him or to have some horrible family teach him to be evil," I said with hopes that it was not what had happened.

"That would mean they were there when he came around and wanted to find out what makes him tick," Cassie said with a frown.

"Hold on the Demon would know why he has a gift, but a doctor would be curious. We have two totally different possibilities here."

I stood up with anger in my eyes.

"Why the hell couldn't they just leave us alone," I yelled as I slammed my hand on the table.

Dean and Cassie both looked horror stricken at me as Mackey screamed from the bedroom.

---

_**Five Years before-Back at Lydia's**_

We had been on the road for over three weeks. I had learned a lot about Lydia in that time. She was quite a bit like Dean in a good way. She knew she was doing, had extensive weapons training, though she was not arrogant about it, knew her folklore was certain she was on the side of good and could kick ass. I loved it in her. She had saved my butt more than once while we were gone. With all the nights, we had shared a motel room we had yet to have sex. It wasn't because she had not offered but I hadn't felt ready despite how much I wanted her.

---

She threw her bag on the floor before she kicked her shoes off and sat down on the sofa with a heavy sigh.

"Tired?" I asked.

"Understatement," she said with a smile.

I sat on the sofa and indicated for to put her feet in my lap. I rubbed her so feet with my hands as she closed her eyes. She seemed to relax all over at my touch.

"Oh, that feels good, Sam please don't stop."

I smiled to myself, oh I had longed to hear those words, but in another context. I refused to take advantage of the situation at the moment. We sat silent for several moments before she got up to go take a shower.

----

After I took my turn in the shower, I found Lydia in the kitchen as she cooked grilled cheese sandwiches for us. She had on her robe and was barefoot. Her hair was damp as it hung wavy around her shoulders. We had become comfortable around one another almost like best friends, but there was more than an under current of electricity. I always felt it despite my self control. There were times that I felt I had frustrated her to the point of no return, though. We had kissed from time to time but I always pulled the plug with an excuse about us keeping our wits about us.

---

Flashback-one week before

She sat at the desk with the laptop as she searched for another hunt for us. I walked in fresh from a shower with a smile on my face. She turned to look at me with a frown.

"Sam, do you think I am ugly?" she asked with a tilt of her head and a raised eyebrow.

"Oh my gosh, no, you are beautiful. Lydia, what have I done to make you ask that?"

She shrugged before she bit her lip.

"Maybe its just my hormones but ….I kind of hoped we would have sex…sometime. So far you have been almost brotherly but not much else; despite the way our first date went."

I batted my eyes a couple of times as I thought of how to explain.

"Lydia, it's not you its me, and I admit in your case it has been hard for me… because I am so attracted to you," I said as took as seat across from her before I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.

"Yeah? So you are all about timing?"

I nodded.

"Where is the fun in that?" she said with a smile before she went back to work.

I laughed.

End Flashback

----

I was sorely tempted to kiss her on the neck but held back again.

"Want something to eat?"

"Sounds good," I said as I went around her to get drinks from the refrigerator.

We crashed into one another as I backed up to go get napkins.

"Sorry," I said as I held her and the plate in my arms.

She backed away with a smile before she put the plates on the table. I waited for her and pulled her to me without hesitation. She put her arms around my neck, which was when I realized she wore nothing under the robe. I leaned down to kiss her upturned lips, my hands were inside her robe on her warm silky skin. We backed up and ran into the counter, before I looked down at her as my heart raced. Her hands were tangled in my hair and mine where splayed out on her soft butt under the robe. I could feel the counter top as it dug into my back but I was beyond caring. I could have kissed her all day.

----

The thing was we had been in this place before. I felt she was hesitant because I had worked her into a frenzy with my kisses on more than one occasion then left her to her own devices because of my fear of getting too close. Jess' death had begun to haunt me daily while I fell for Lydia in earnest. Once we had discussed the issues of hunting and life. Neither of us wanted to hunt forever though we had begun to feel more fulfilled since we had become a team. Dean had called more than once to remind me he was ready when I was. Though I thought, being domestic had already worn thin on my big brother and that was the real reason.

----

When our lips finally parted, I lifted her onto the counter.

"Do you still want me?" I asked out of breath as I looked into her eyes with hopes of a positive reply.

She nodded a second before I picked her up to take her to the bed as I claimed her lips again. I let her undress me as she smiled, as though I were a butter cream icing on a cake just waiting to be tasted. I couldn't stop smiling. Why had I denied myself? It wasn't as though she had not expressed a desire for me, no I was not going to miss our first time together by over thinking. We kissed with abandon as I kneeled to lay her on the bed though I had to leave her lips long enough to take off my jeans as she pulled my tee shirt over my head. She pulled me onto the bed with her and I went into her arms. For long moments, we held one another, something we had not done lying down before. Now that we lay naked, together I wanted to be inside her but I figured we should go slow. How could I have rejected her before when I had fallen fast and hard for her?

---

I leaned up on one elbow to look down into her eyes as I traced my fingers down her nose. She bit her lip before she pulled my head down to kiss her again. I moved my hand to caress her silky soft back. I touched her all over her, gently stroking each spot. I wanted to feel ever curve, every line of her body. I wanted badly to hear her scream my name from the pleasure I wanted badly to give her. I was at my breaking point I felt I might lose my mind if I didn't let myself go this time. She reciprocated as she ran her hands over me as our bodies where drawn to one another.

---

For some reason I became aware of the feel of sheets under me, they were unusually soft, I looked up into Lydia's green/ grey hazel eyes as she straddled me and put the condom over my erection. She smiled as she impaled herself as she gently slid down flush with my hips.

"It's okay," she said as she leaned up to stroke my chest as she moved up and we began the time honored dance of love.

I still could not get enough her, her smell, her skin, her soft sheets. I smiled something about her bed welcomed me, maybe I just felt giddy because I was inside the woman I desired so much. I pushed my hands through her hair as I brought her lips back to mine to kiss them repeatedly. The rocking motion of our hips began to speed up after a few minutes I could see she was on the verge but I wasn't ready to be done with our first time. I caressed her nipples, the small of her back, the roundness of her firm ass until I was certain I would not forget anything about them, not their contours or their texture certainly not their smoothness. Then I heard it, my name coming from her lips

"Sam, oh Sam," she said softly as her eyes closed and her body trembled above me. I pushed up a few more times before I came unceremoniously but with a grin as she smiled down at me.

"Sorry it wasn't good for you," she said as she stroked my face with her slender fingers her face contorted into a frown.

"Oh Lydia it was good, very good, no doubt about it," I whispered as I held her close to me while I sighed into her hair.

_So good I did not want it to end_, she smiled as I gathered her into my arms.

---

The next morning I awoke before her with the sun streaming oranges, reds and yellows outside the window. I watched her as she slept, her long lashes lay against her cheeks, the highlights in her dark auburn hair were a contrast against the baby blue sheets, her slightly parted lips teased me as I longed to kiss them again. I sighed instead. _Such a beauty_. The longer I looked at her as she lay prone and naked under only a sheet the more I wanted to touch her again. I decided to make us breakfast.

---

I was almost done with the eggs when Lydia came in wearing only my shirt. She looked serene I turned after putting the spatula on the stove to take her in my arms. She put her arms around my neck as she kissed me softly.

"Hey," I said when we were done with the kiss.

"Hey yourself."

"Thanks for making breakfast," she said as she helped me set the table.

We were quiet for a few moments before I decided we needed to talk about the night before.

"Lydia, I enjoyed being with you last night, I am sorry it took me so long but I haven't been with anyone since Jess.

"I know, I am sorry if it seemed as though I was pushing. I wanted you so much but I'm glad we waited until we knew each other better," she said as we both sat down to eat.

She bit her lip before she took her first bite.

"What?"

"I'm crazy about you Sam. I never thought I would find someone I had so much in common with then you showed up in my life."

I grinned as I began to eat my meal in earnest but realized a moment later that I should make some kind of declaration myself.

---

I put my fork down as I tried to chew my food up while I watched her start to eat.

"I am pretty crazy about you too," I confessed.

She smiled at me with a twinkle in her eyes a she got up to come around the table and indicated for me to move away from it before she sat in my lap.

"It's good to hear that though I already figured that," she grinned before she kissed me again.

She smelled so good as I pushed my hands under my shirt she wore, with only a couple of buttons done I could see the curve of her soft full breasts. I sighed into her neck. We never did finish the breakfast I had cooked because a few minutes later we headed back to bedroom. I never expected to fall for a huntress but maybe there was a God after all.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_**Present Day**_

At the hospital the next morning, I sat beside Lydia's bed as she slept. The nurses had let me in before visiting hours since they liked me. I had been up all night trying to decide what to do. Dean and Cassie wanted me to wait to say anything to my wife because of the possibility that Logan may still be dead. _"What if they have only taken his body, and he is not alive," Cassie said._ I agreed there was a chance that they were researching on my son's body and not on my vibrant beautiful baby boy. I was torn though I had never lied to Lydia about any thing. Not about my latent feelings for Sarah or my anger over Jess' death. She knew all about me. Now that it was our family that was the issue I wanted to reveal what I knew. I had been standing near the window so I did not realize that Lydia was watching me until she spoke.

"Sam."

I wiped my eyes before I turned around with a smile.

"Hey Babe, how are you today?" I asked as I went to sit beside her bed.

He eyes were bright as she smiled at me. I leaned over to kiss her inviting mouth. She reached up to keep me a hairs breathe away. I had to remember I was still a very blessed man. I had my two sweethearts, my brother and sister-in-law. I had my health, my strength, my love of life. I had much more than many others. _Why do we always want more?_

"What's wrong?" she asked as she looked in my eyes with her arm around my neck.

I couldn't lie; I spilled my guts to her in tears. She looked confused, concerned, and heartbroken all at once.

"He's gone? What do you mean? Why would they take our baby?" she asked a bit angrily.

"We only know for certain he is not in ….the ground."

"You dug him up?" she asked incredulous as she raised an eyebrow at me.

"I needed to make sure, Sweetie, it was knawing at me. With his gift how could he have died?"

She ran her fingers through my hair as she looked seriously at me long and hard. I needed solace, to feel as though my world would be good again after the tragedy.

"I have had time to think of that too. Maybe his injuries were too severe, I mean he was a baby. He had no knowledge of what was happening. He had no idea how to control what was going on inside him," she said softly, her voice full of emotion.

---

I had thought of that. But if he were dead then he was being violated if someone had him. He was our baby, he needed to rest in peace.

"Sam, get him back, okay. Whatever it takes," she insisted with tears in her eyes.

Now Lydia has always been very brave, though not unemotional, she thought things over and decided on a solution. Even when she was pregnant she was not prone to many bouts of crying or moping. It was the part of her that was so like Dean. She was courageous and her belief system sustained her when I thought she would be bowled over in anguish. I admired that about her, it was one of many things I adored in my wife, in fact, it balanced us out.

---

I helped her out of the bed so she could take her walk. For the last few days she had been up and around a few hours a day. We would walk and talk as I helped her down the corridors. I let her know MacKenzie was doing good though sometimes she still looked for Logan.

"Our poor little angel, maybe its good she is so young, you know," she said as she looked tentatively at me.

I nodded, speechless. I knew Mackey would never forget her brother, or was I being selfish and putting what I felt on her. Perhaps, Lydia was right, when Mackey was older we could tell her what happened and she could see it in perspective. I figured it may take me that long to move on properly.

---

I could tell Lydia was getting stronger. She stood straighter and walked faster than the day before. I knew she was also restless to be out of the hospital. She was an action figure, she loved physical activity. We enjoyed sports, swam, played softball, went on hikes and from time to time still hunted.

"Lydia do you think it has anything to do with the demon?" I asked more to myself then her.

"Oh Sam, I hope not," she said as she looked moving to look up into my face with fear in her eyes.

---

_**Five years before-the wedding **_

We never really dated but we hunted together for almost four months before we decided to get married. I mean it wasn't as though we were going to meet others in our position. Admittedly we had run into a few huntresses that gave me the eye but I had no interest. Lydia would laugh at them if they approached me at one of our hot spots. Several hunters' stops had popped up in the Southwest. We used to tease about the heat bringing out the evil spirits. Once a woman had the nerve to put her hand on my leg when we were at a bar and Lydia put a stop to that real quick.

---

Flashback-Bad Seed Bar and Billiards

We showed up on a Friday night with the desire for two cool ones before we headed back to the motel. Bad Seed was a new hot spot for hunters we heard about from Ash. It was in Southern Nevada and not on most maps. Lydia had gone to the ladies room in a hurry as soon as we walked in. I sat down at the bar and ordered a "cold one" for me and a red wine for her. I was bopping my head to the beat when a tall Brunette came over, stopped and looked me up and down. Mind you, I was not impressed, mostly because I was taken, though she seemed more Dean's type. Her short skirt, and barely there tank top was a turn off, not much left to the imagination as far as I was concerned. She leaned in and put her hand on my thigh just when Lydia came out of the bathroom. Lydia came over to the bar slowly but there was fire in her eyes. She looked hot in her tight jeans and snugly fitted t-shirt, I had been teasing her about it all day.

"He isn't on the menu," Lydia said to the Brunette who was smiling at me.

"What?"

"I said he aint' on the menu, lady, just walk away."

I smiled at the Brunette, it was more of a smirk, before she turned around to face off with Lydia.

"What is he your Bitch?" she practically spat at Lydia.

"No, Honey, he is all man. But hey, lets let him decide."

"She's right, I'm with her," I said as it stood up to my full height with a grin on my face as the Brunette gasped.

"Okay, whatever," she said as she stomped off.

We both laughed when the girl walked away.

End Flashback

---

We were staying with Cassie and Dean while we looked for a place. The timing of getting married was irrelevant since we were getting hitched at the court house. Dean worked on cars part time when someone referred him. Cassie worked at home online writing articles. We had lived with them for only a couple of weeks though we had in our minds before that we wanted to get married and continue to hunt. Dean had hunted on his own since he left me. Cassie thought it was a good idea since she did not want to get used to him being home all the time when she knew he wanted to go out hunting. I personally did not find that encouraging, but Dean took it in stride.

---

We were two days from our wedding when Lydia began to have second thoughts.

"Sam why are we doing this, antiquated wedding thing. We know we are in love why the ritual?"

I laughed as she came to sit in my lap.

"So you want to live in sin?"

"Sin is subjective. I am committed to you and you to me, right?"

"Yeah, I love you very much and I want to prove it by marrying you," I said as I moved my hand under her shirt."

She grinned while my hands roamed.

"I forgot you were the old fashioned one," she said as I kissed her before I arched an eyebrow at her.

"You mean as in the other one, Dean, is not so old fashioned and you want him?"

She frowned.

---

Dean walked in the room.

"Hey no sex in the living room."

We both gave him what the hell looks.

"Dean, hello, clothes are on, just sitting here kissing."

He smirked.

"Clothes on means nothing, believe me, just don't do it on the sofa," he said as he headed to the shower."

Lydia laughed.

"You think he ever has anything else on his mind?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, but he is not old fashioned, marry him," I teased her.

She stuck her tongue out at me before I leaned in to suck it.

---

The wedding day arrived full of sunshine and blue skies. I stood nervously in front of the mirror while Dean looked curiously at me.

"What are doing Sammy?"

"It's Sam, and I do not believe you don't recognize that I'm tying my tie."

"Cute. I mean why are you marrying Lydia."

"Simple, I love her, duh Dean."

I was not going to let him get me down. The marriage thing seemed to be taboo in the household. Though Lydia had given in because she wanted to make me happy.

"It's life Dean, you fall in love and get married. For goodness sakes, you said Lydia was the best thing that has come into my life."

"Dude, Chill it was just a question, don't go PMSing on me," he said with a laugh.

_Funny. _I rolled my eyes as we headed for the car.

---

Lydia and I had slept in separate beds the night before just because I thought it would be nice. She had decided the whole wedding thing was a sacrifice to make me happy. I could deal with that. I knew she wasn't doing it under duress, she just didn't see a real need. Dean and I left the house first while Cassie helped Lydia with her dress.

"We are gone," Dean yelled as we closed the door behind us.

---

At the courthouse we waited a half hour before we heard from Cassie that she had a flat tire. They had left the cell phone at home by accident and had to walk back home to call. I shook my head, maybe this was an omen. But I refused to believe it, Lydia and I were perfect for one another. Nothing would change my mind about that. We told the judge we would be back in the morning and he agreed since he had an opening.

---

"I'm sorry," Lydia said as we came in the door.

Oh its not your fault," I said as I noticed she had already changed into shorts.

"You were eager to get out of the wedding dress?" I asked with agitation in my voice.

"No, I just didn't want you to see it until time," she pouted.

Cassie and Dean looked at one another before they scattered from the room.

"Hey maybe if you have no interest in marriage we should just forget," I said in frustration as I looked sadly down at her beautiful face.

I knew it was a bad thing to say but I felt we should have it out before the wedding.

"I do have interest thanks to you. You know all the time we spent together I never realized how much you wanted normal. I …guess us being together as hunters, as lovers, as friends, was all the normal I wanted or needed."

I felt like tiny tim. She was right, us together was normal, it was good, it was what I wanted more than anything. How did someone become part of your soul so fast? I apologized to her.

"No I should say I'm sorry. Sam its not bad to want marriage, to show the world that I belong to you. Its sweet and I do want that, I really do."

She came into my arms before the two cowards came back into the room.

"Now that wasn't so bad," Dean said with a smirk as Cassie rolled her eyes.

---

After the ceremony the next day we went to eat. Dean and I ate and laughed about old times. While the girls laughed about them having forgotten the cell phone.

Flashback-wedding

I stood beside Dean at the front of the chapel while I watched Lydia walk the small aisle. She wore a white lace dress that just skimmed her knees. I fell for her all over again in those few moments. She was beautiful and sweet, I was glad I had waited to see her dress. She smiled at me when she stood at my side. Dean smirked when he saw my expression of awe on my face. When I said my vows I spoke from my heart, as I looked in the eyes of the woman I wanted to spend my life with.

"I promise to honor, protect and care for you until death do us part. To cherish and respect your wishes as much as I am able. I love you with my whole heart and more than anyone in this entire world. You are my choice and I will never forget."

I could see the tears in Lydia's eyes as she stood ready to make her vows to me.

"Samuel, I too want to be with you for the rest of my life. To love, honor and trust you with my heart and my very soul. You saved me from a life of loneliness I pray to not let you down but to kept your love close to me at all times. I cherish what I have found with you and have no desire for any other."

Cassie sniffed into her handkerchief as Dean turned away to wipe as stray tear. I few minutes later we were pronounced husband and wife and I kissed my bride.

End Flashback

---

"So what are you plans?" Cassie asked.

"She wants to know when we will have our privacy again?"

"That is not it, I just wondered," Cassie said politely as she glared at Dean.

"We have to check out a couple of places on Tuesday then we decide," Lydia said.

"We do appreciate you two letting us stay," I said to Dean.

"Oh Bro, you are welcome anytime, and for as long as you want."

Sam smiled he knew Dean liked his time alone, there had been so many years that they had slept in one room at the most two it was time they had some space all their own.

---

Lydia had found a job as a part time virtual assistant and I was taking law classes online also. I was not certain if I would ever get my degree or a law license but I liked the idea of going in that direction. Luckily Lydia had money put away that would last a while. We were not big spenders, we were happy just being together it had been that way from the start. Dean had met a guy through a contact at Harvelle's that had money and wanted to fund our hunting. I was unsure because the deal sounded to good to be true. Ellen insisted the guy was on the up and up, then Lydia had gotten a bad feeling about it. In the end we decided against taking money from the guy, his name was Louis Cypher.

---

We found an apartment not ten minutes from Dean and Cassie's little house. After we had been in it for a week we had already christened all the rooms and the kitchen. Lydia thought the bathroom was a bit small for sex though I had an idea we would find a way to make it work. She insisted doing it in the shower didn't count because by her reason it was like our king sized bed, just right for my tall frame.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Authors note-Sorry its taken so long to post the last four chapters, hope it was worth the wait. Thanks to Ghostwriter for all her support and for enjoying my fics. I also thanks to the other readers and reviewers.

Chapter Seven

Present Day

I woke up drenched in my own sweat. I batted my eyes as I got used to the darkness in the bedroom. My heart was racing as the images from my nightmare faded in my mind. It was the same dream I had when I met Lydia. The dream/vision that predicted Logan's death. At the time, I had the dream the first time something told me the boy in the dream belonged to both Lydia and me. Now I just wanted to cry. Then I realized why I had awakened. Mackenzie was screaming. I threw my wet tee shirt on the floor after I used it to dry my chest. Then I leaned over the crib to pick up my baby girl. She kicked as she cried. When she was in my arms, she didn't stop.

"Mackey its Daddy you are okay," I said as I tried to calm her as I rocked her against my shoulder.

She continued to cry much to my distress. Then I noticed her hands over her ears and her eyes closed. I moved her hands and whispered in her ear.

---

"It's Daddy, wake up."

Her eyes popped open as her green-eyed gaze landed on me; I saw Lydia in our baby girl as I held my child against my chest again. Her delicate little nose, pouty lips and softly green eyes were evidence of my wife. I patted her back as she calmed down.

"Daddy," she said softly as she sniffed and poked out a trembling lip while she held my shoulder.

"It's okay I'm here Sweetie and I love you so much," I said as I tried not to cry, I smiled for her as I kissed both of her chubby cherub cheeks. She needed me to be happy, she was one of the most important people in my world. My life as I know it had shifted again when Logan died. Too much sadness I felt, but here I had my sweetheart the one that had come from the love my life. Which reminded me we should get back to sleep because Lydia was coming home? Mackey grinned at me as she reached for my nose. _Such an innocent_.

---

A half an hour later Mackey was finally asleep again after several games of tickle the tummy and me flying her in the air. She was so sweet. I lay watching her sleep as I gently touched her soft dark hair with my fingers. She was on my chest with her ear over my heart. I wrapped my arms around her as I dozed off myself.

---

A few hours later, a sound invaded my sleep. I lay still as I heard voices in the other room. I looked up to see Mackenzie watching me with a slight smile on her face. I leaned up to kiss her nose before Cassie knocked on the doorframe.

"Lydia is anxious to come home," Cassie said with a smile as she stood at the door.

"Oh .. am I running late?" I asked as I leaned up with my daughter in my arms.

"A little but don't worry I am her to watch the baby," she said as she took my little girl from me.

"I'll be back shortly," I told my daughter as she watched me with a frown.

"Oh," she said.

I leaned down to kiss her again, though I was choked up because she was asking for her brother with the look that somehow seemed to show me that she knew something was wrong.

"I'm going to get Mommy," I said as cheerfully as I could muster.

"Mommy?" she said with a grin.

"Yep."

Cassie watched us sadly though she smiled when Mackey leaned on her shoulder.

"Thanks for doing this Cas, I shouldn't be long."

"Take your time, I'm not going any where. Actually Dean is coming over with food for lunch he thought it might be nice."

"Sounds good," I said as she left the room so I could dress.

---

Lydia was dressed and in a wheelchair when I arrived in her room. She sat reading as I walked in.

"Hey slow poke," she said with a smile as I went over to kiss her.

"Good morning, Honey, sorry I'm late."

"The baby keep you up last night?"

"Um I think both of us had bad dreams," I said as I began to wheel her toward the door.

"Okay, any thing I need to know about?" she asked hesitantly.

"Um, no, I don't know what Mackey dreamed, she so young you know."

Lydia bit her lip.

"You don't think she will be like you with the visions? I mean … Logan had a gift I guess I assumed that one of them would be…normal."

I was quiet for moment as I tried to arrange my thoughts into something that was not angry.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I had hoped the same thing."

_So she thinks I am not normal, not a good time to find that out._

_---_

"Sam stop."

"What?"

"Stop moving the chair," she said before we got to the elevator banks.

I stopped but stayed behind the chair. She touched my hand.

"I need you on this side."

I stood in front of her looking dejected, I sighed in frustration.

"I did not mean you were not normal," she said as she crooked her finger toward me to show she wanted me to lean down.

I knelt in front of her there in the middle of the hospital. I needed to know what she did mean.

"What then?"

"You know I love you, right?"

I nodded, speechless as I held my breath. Had she always thought my gift was something she only put up with not something she truly accepted.

"Honey it's not a matter of normal or not I guess I hoped she would not have that weight on her life. I know its selfish but with a gift it should be used to help people. I also think it can be a burden."

"I agree with that. All those years we hunted constantly and I used my gift for that, though it didn't always work out exactly as predicted."

She reached up to caress my cheek, then I realized we were in the way of the others as they came and went from the elevators.

"We should go," she said as I got up to push her into an open elevator door.

---

At home, Dean met us at the door with Mackey in his arms.

"Welcome home," he said to Lydia once she was in the door.

She thanked him as he hugged her around the baby. Lydia took the baby from him after the hug to hold. Mackenzie's face was aglow with happiness at seeing her mother. She held her tightly around the neck as Lydia went to sit on the sofa with her. The rest of us scattered to the kitchen to give the mother and daughter time alone.

"Thanks guys for all the help over the last few months."

"No need to thank us," Cassie said.

"She's right no need, you are like family," Dean teased me.

---

Later that evening, while the girls were all asleep, since Dean and Cassie decided to stay the night, Dean and I talked in the den.

"So we are going to do this then?"

"Yeah we need to talk to the funeral home first to make sure there was not a mishap that could have caused a mistake at the …. Cemetery," I said calmly as I reviewed my options again in my head.

I did not want to jump to conclusions or rush in somewhere and make things worse like Dean used to do in his younger days. He seemed calmer now that he was going to be a father, he amazed me at times with the changes in his attitude.

"Good idea," Dean said.

"If that is not what happened then we go to the plan C, since we already checked the records as they are in the computer system."

"Plan C is breaking into the research facility connected to the hospital, right?"

I nodded as I licked the cake off my fork. I placed the plate on the table as Dean laughed at me.

"Still loving your desserts?"

"Oh absolutely," I grinned.

"Well we better get back to weights soon then," he said as he laughed.

---

It was early the next morning when I heard a scream come from the guest room. Both Lydia and I jumped up from the bed. The next sound was Mackey as she cried from the sound. I got up to pick her up as Lydia went to check on Dean and Cassie. She came back a few minutes later.

"Dean is taking Cassie to the hospital," she said as she went to the closet.

"It too soon," I said.

"I know and they both seem really scared so we have to go with them."

"Of course," I added.

Cassie wasn't due for over a month. I changed Mackenzie and put on her footed gown before I gave her to Lydia who had dressed quickly. Dean came to the door to tell us they were leaving. I let him know we would be right behind them. He nodded sadly as he left.

---

"I hope this works out for them," Lydia said as we drove to the hospital.

"Me too, they have come so far."

Mackey was asleep in her car seat as I kept my eyes on the road and attempted to keep it all together. Losing Logan was bad enough I certainly did not want Dean to lose his baby too.

Dean met us in the waiting room at the maternity ward. He sat by himself with his hands over his face and elbows on his knees.

"Hey you okay?" I asked as I sat beside him.

"Yeah, they are checking her now, we should know something shortly."

"I think it will be fine," Lydia said.

"She is right Cassie is eight months, that isn't very premature."

"I hope you are right," Dean said as he leaned back to rake his fingers through his hair.

He had let it grow out a bit lately, since he insisted Cassie liked it that way. He worked at the local auto shop when he and I weren't hunting.

---

It was almost an hour before a nurse came to get Dean. She took him over to the side to talk. I watched his stance to see if I could tell what she was telling him. He seemed to relax a bit after a moment. He seemed to sigh as she walked away.

"They want to take the baby or put Cassie on bed rest, its up to her."

"Oh," Mackey said in her sleep.

Lydia held her daughter closer.

"What did they recommend?"

"The longer that the baby stays in Cassie the better."

A minute later a nurse came to get Dean to take him to Cassie's room. We stayed in the waiting room.

---

I looked over at Lydia and saw tears running down her cheeks.

"Are you in pain?" I asked as I put my arm around her.

She shook her head as she took a deep breath.

"No, I'm sorry," she said as she pointed at the baby in her lap.

"I heard," I said with understanding.

Our child was dreaming about, Oh, her brother. We had to tell her even if she didn't understand. I picked up the baby and put her on my shoulder as I smiled at Lydia.

"I'm okay, sorry for the tears."

"Don't worry about it is so much better having you here alive and … well than in a hospital bed."

She leaned on my shoulder as we sat back to wait.

---

When Dean showed up again Cassie was with him. She smiled wanly and seemed embarrassed.

"Looks like I will be fine if I can put my feet up for the next month," she said.

Dean had his arm around her and he wore a grin.

"Yeah they said if she can take it easy waiting til next month will be best," he said as we all headed toward the elevator.

"Thank you guys for coming," Cassie said as we all got in the elevator.

"Oh no problem," I said as I pushed the floor button.

I watched Dean as he ran his hand over Cassie's pregnant belly I could tell he was relieved. She smiled shyly at him. Lydia grinned as she looked up at me before I kissed her on the lips softly.

"De stress," Lydia said.

Cassie smiled as Dean squeezed her hand.

"I'll be good, no stressing you out," Dean said.

"Sounds too good to be true," Cassie teased her hubby.

---

_**More than Three years before**_

Lydia and I had spent most of our marriage hunting so we decided to take some time off for a while. Well that meant we had more time to make love and she ended up pregnant not long after our little break began. I found her in the bathroom one morning throwing up. When she looked at me I could see she knew the reason and she seemed upset.

"I think I'm pregnant," she said as her voice broke.

She leaned over the sink to rinse her mouth out while I leaned against the door frame.

"Oh…you don't need to be sad," I tried to console her.

"I'm not its hormones, silly," she said as she laughed and cried at the same time.

_Women have strange talents I decided_. I held her in my arms as she stood up to look in my eyes.

"Tell me it's okay. Tell me you want us to have babies," she said with desperateness in her voice.

"I do very much want babies with you. If you are pregnant then I am happy if you are not then we can try again," I said as I tried to be amiable.

I honestly had not seriously considered having children. I mean we talked of it abstractly from time to time but never with a schedule in mind. I did mean what I said. A baby would be fine with me.

---

I pulled her into my arms to kiss her tear stained face.

"It's okay we can do this, Sweetie. I mean you do want a baby, right?"

She nodded into my shirt.

"Yes, I do very much I just hoped it would be you know later on."

"Well Babe, I think that is what most people say," I teased her.

The next day the doctor confirmed that she was pregnant and I was happier than I could ever remember being.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

_**Present Day**_

Dean and I set up in my den. I was on the desktop and Dean on the laptop. I had cracked the code on the hospital's computer and gone into the research institute's database, since the cemetery had been a dead end. We needed to figure out what was happening at the institute. We were quiet as we scanned through the different departments. It seemed there was also a mental institution on the grounds of the hospital somewhere. Dean quirked an eyebrow when he saw the entry.

"Um Sam looks like if the projects don't turn out as they like, they can always send them to the loony bin," he commented.

"I saw that," I said as I tried to get that vision out of my head.

I hated asylums having been attacked by a ghost who tried to convince me to kill my brother in one; it was now one of my most frightening memories. Just the thought that something could put thoughts in my head to do a thing I never would have considered totally "creeped" me out.

---

"Okay, I am sending you a website address so you can help me go through their system. It looks like the experiments have code names."

Dean whistled when he pulled up the page and saw how many entries there where. I was afraid he would be upset but I had given him half of what I had found, there were over a thousand code names.

---

"Yeah, I know," I said with a nod.

We worked through the list for over an hour before I found a web page to enter a code name. When I entered the one at the beginning of my first sheet, it brought up the condition of the subject, age, gender, race and the experiments they had done on them. I almost threw up when I saw they were using some live subjects to do research. I guess I had been naïve to think that donating your body was the only way they could use it; I mean with your permission. But over the last couple of days, I had found out that signing any papers regarding medical treatment was a tricky thing. I had been horrified to find that you can lose ownership of your own body if you signed a certain waiver during treatment or exams. I guess I was still reeling over that.

---

"Hey you okay over there?" Dean asked when he saw my face; I think I looked a bit green.

"We have to find Logan, Dean even if he is gone forever I do not want him to go through what they may be doing to him."

Dean got up to come look over my shoulder. The anger rose quickly in his face after he viewed the monitor.

"We can go now."

"We have to figure out where he would be first; we can't just go in and have a shoot out. We have people who count on us."

"That includes your son, dead or alive," he said solemnly.

I knew he was right I didn't want to get anyone into a panic at my household.

"You should go home, Cas will be worried. We can go tomorrow night, I will stay up and find exactly where he is first."

He hugged me but looked beaten as he left the room; my brother loved my children as his own. I knew he was in pain just as we were.

---

I looked up a minute later to see Lydia at the door.

"You find anything?" she asked as she walked in the room.

I nodded, as she came to sit in my lap. Her hair was wavy around her shoulders, her light fragrance permeated the space and she sat her warm body in my lap. She looked in my eyes with a confident smile.

"This will work out as it was meant to be," she said before she kissed me.

I didn't hold back as I wrapped her in my arms. Her hands were in my hair and mine were on the front of her silk robe. I almost felt guilty as my heart raced at her nearness; I had a goal to find my son tonight. I shouldn't be indulging myself. I broke off the kiss as we both turned to the screen. She raised her eyebrows as she read over the experiments performed on donated humans. Most were babies, aborted, assumed dead but very much alive. Some were the less fortunate, the homeless, the slower individuals, and those with gifts who they had been told they had passed away. Again they were very much alive. I read it all in the pages and pages of notes they made on each. They called them lab rats but there was not a rat among them.

---

"If he is in this place, Sam, he is better off dead," she said.

"I know," I said as I broke down into tears as she held me.

I cried for at least twenty minutes before I pulled my self together. I needed to find Logan's file. Lydia and I had decided if we needed to call others for help to get back our son, dead or alive then we would do it. Bobby was on stand by as well as Gordon who had turned out to be good guy after all.

Flashback

After Gordon's attempt to kill me, we ran into him one more time. He had escaped from jail and found us in Missouri. It was the previous time when Dean had thought about going back to Cassie. We had driven there but never actually gone to see her because he chickened out.

"Dude, the chicken noises are pissing me off," Dean said as he went in the bathroom and slammed the door.

I laughed, he was so brave except when it came to Cassie. Part of me felt sorry for him but mostly I thought he was plain scared she would reject him again. Eventually I figured he would need to go that extra mile and find out.

---

There was a knock on the door as Dean hid in the bathroom, supposedly taking a shower. I looked through the peephole to see Gordon. I shook my head then looked again, he stood on the other side of the door with a grin on his face. He looked totally none threatening. I hesitated to open the door since I knew we were suppose to hate Gordon I mean he tried to kill me. He knocked again.

"Sam, Dean I see the car, open the door its beginning to rain," he said through the door.

I chanced it and opened the door just a bit.

"What?"

"Sam I am unarmed let me in out of the rain."

"Why would I do that?"

"I come in peace, I need to talk to you two."

Dean came out of the bathroom to see me talking to the door.

"Dude what the hell are you doing now?"

I shut the door.

"It's um, Gordon."

"Why would you open the door?"

"He says he needs to talk to us, he sounds sincere Dean."

"Hum, let me think, he tied me up, tried to blow you up and surely escaped from jail. So yeah we can trust him. Duh, Sam, he will say anything to get to you," he said as he hit me in the head with his shirt.

"Dean, but."

"No."

---

It was the next morning before we actually spoke with Gordon, he had stayed in the room next to ours though we had no idea. We saw him at the diner when we went to eat. He came up to the table with a Cheshire Cat grin and sat down in our booth like we were buds.

"Hey guys, I thought I would find you here."

Dean shot daggers with his eyes at him.

"Okay Gordon we are here what do you have to say?" I asked out of curiosity.

We all ordered before we had a chance to talk. Gordon leaned over to talk to me even though Dean was in the middle of the booth attempting to act as if Gordon was invisible.

"So here is the thing, I found out that Sam's potential to be evil is only a potential. Not guaranteed, so I thought I owed you an apology," he said to me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Uh huh, something called free will," he shared with us.

"Guess you learned something from those mandatory bible classes in jail, huh?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"Yep I guess I did, I owe you boys a debt," Gordon said as they sat down our plates.

End Flashback

---

It was four in the morning before I found any files that looked as though they could be Logan's. I had noticed in the last year they had begun to label the files more by date than anything else. I wondered if maybe the original cataloger or whoever did the data updates had moved on to bigger better things. There were three files that had similar dates, within two days. My eyes teared up again. All three were dead toddlers.

---

_**Two years before**_

After Logan was born we got into a routine at home. Finally, I felt as though I would have a normal life despite my visions and our child's gift. Lydia and I bought a small house with a yard for Logan to play in when he was older we also considered the idea of having another child.

---

Dean and Cassie decided to get married around the same time. After several years in the same town and Dean being on a job for the most part they figured they might have a regular church wedding. Of course, Missouri flew in to help out with the plans and stayed with them to drive Dean nuts. He came over daily for me to calm him down so that when he arrived at his apartment he wouldn't lose it.

---

"They are driving me nuts, Sam. What am I getting myself into? You know it's your fault you and Lydia make marriage look almost fun," he ranted.

I could only laugh. My poor brother was having a melt down.

"You'll be fine, you love Cassie and Missouri is only her temporarily," I counseled him.

Lydia and Logan came in the room with grins. Logan ran straight to his uncle Dean.

"Hey buddy," Dean said to his nephew.

"Unca Dean," Logan said with a grin that showed off his Winchester dimples.

Dean whirled him around a few times before he took him outside in the back yard to play on the slide. Lydia grinned at me.

"He still afraid to go home?"

I nodded as she came into my arms.

"Poor Dean, I think Cassie and Missouri are doing this to him on purpose, I should talk to her," she said as she put her lips against mine.

I could only nod as she pushed me against the wall while our tongues tangled around one another. My hands roamed her back but I was aware that Dean and Logan were outside and could return at any moment. My wife must have read my mind as she stopped kissing me to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom. The wall was sufficient for the spontaneous quickie she had planned. I blushed as Dean tapped on our door not twenty minutes later. I made sure every thing was buttoned and zipped and gave Lydia a second to do the same before I answered the knock.

---

"All done?" Dean asked with a smirk and an up raised eyebrow.

Lydia ignored him as she took off with Logan to go to the kitchen which left me to be interrogated. Before I could say anything Dean raised his hand.

"Hey your house, your rules, I don't need to know anything, besides I can imagine," he said with a grin.

"Good to know, I guess," I said as quirked my own eyebrow at him before we went back to the living room.

---

"So um Logan is actually able to heal?" Dean asked as he sat on the sofa and I in the chair across from him.

"Yeah, I mean we found out by accident but it is real."

We were both quiet as we thought about it. I did not want anyone to know about Logan's abilities outside our immediate family. I was concerned that Lydia might have to take him for check ups but I tried to keep my fears at bay. Lydia understood why I felt the way I did, she with me on it one hundred percent. The only problem was that since he was born in a hospital they expected us to keep coming back to see them. He had a pediatrician and she had her OB GYN doctor also. The doctors were sticklers for babies having all their shots and the like. Though so far we had avoided it a few times we did not want them to get suspicious of us. Logan not having any bumps or bruises would cause someone to take notice I was certain.

---

"You okay?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, sorry just thinking I am not comfortable with Logan and doctors. They see too much and he will become one of their experiments," I said with no idea it could be a self fulfilling prophecy.

"I had that same thought," Dean said.

"You know I was thinking maybe its time for us to move, I mean we been here a while."

"I kind of like it here," Dean said.

"Well you and Cassie can stay. I just mean if we go some where they don't know us we could start over without all the prying eyes."

"What does Lydia say about that?"

Neither of us knew Lydia and Logan had come back in the room.

"About what?" she asked as she came to stand behind me and Logan went to sit with Dean.

"Moving."

"Oh you are still thinking of that?"

"Yeah, are you totally against it?'

She rubbed my shoulder, I knew she had gotten comfortable in our surroundings; her and Cassie were close which made it hard. I would also miss Dean unless they came with us.

"No, if you think it's what we should do then I am all for it.

Logan got up to try to get Dean to get up off the sofa. Dean smiled lovingly at our son. Logan's eyes matched mine but he had his mother's full lips and wavy hair, that was cut close to his head. He was an active lively child that we all adored.

"Sam if you guys move, we are coming with you," Dean said as he and Logan went back out into the sunshine.

---

"If you are set on us going to a new city then I am with you," Lydia said as she came around the chair to stand in front of me.

"Honesty, I do not want to move to often, I want us to have a home but since Logan came into our lives I just feel like we may need to go where they do not know about us."

"Okay, so we move and he stays home with me and never goes where he will need to give medical information?"

"I know that is impossible, right?"

"No you could just make up a form that says he has had all his shots and we would be fine."

"You don't mind then?"

She pulled me up so she could put her arms around me as she looked in my eyes.

"We are in this together, Sweetie, I am all in if it's what you want to do."

I grinned as I leaned down to kiss her, I knew when I met her I had found my soul mate, she proved it to me time and time again.

---

Two weeks later, Cassie and Dean had their wedding at the local Baptist church. We had all decided to move in a month to a town not far from where we lived in Missouri. There were around fifty people invited to the wedding; most were Dean's contacts from the auto shop. A few people knew us from around town, besides Missouri, we had a surprise guest arrive. It was my mother's brother, Mark, whom I had located after I married Lydia. He brought his second wife and two young daughters.

---

At the wedding Dean stood nervously as he waited for Cassie to walk down the aisle. Lydia was across from me in her rose colored off the shoulder maid of honor gown with a grin on her gorgeous face. She winked at me when Cassie came out and everyone stood for the bridal march. I was a bit concerned for my brother until he saw his lovely fiancé coming toward him. She wore an off the shoulder white silk dress with pearls throughout the bodice and skirt. Her hair was up except the curls that hung down around her face. She wore a tiara instead of a veil which showed her nice brown eyes off nicely. Dean's face broke out into a full smirk and he seemed to relax suddenly as Cassie grinned at him. He took her hand and they faced the minister with resolve in his face. He was ready to finally be a husband.

---

Once the wedding was over we went to the reception and partied until dawn, the bride and groom left earlier. Dean and Cassie were to spend the night at a local hotel before going on a three day honeymoon in Las Vegas. I watched them as the danced the first dance then I saw Logan out in the middle of the dance floor as he stood to watch them. Lydia came up behind me with a smile.

"Looks like Logan wants to be next," Lydia said in my ear.

"Well that is just great," I teased her, "I had hoped to get you on the dance floor next."

"There is room for all of us," she said as she kissed my cheek.

We looked up again and saw Cassie lifting Logan to dance with her and Dean and a collective Ah filled the place. He was so cute with them, I was blessed to have them all in my life.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

_**Present Day**_

I didn't get in bed until almost five the next morning. Lydia had stayed up past two with me but I finally convinced her she needed her rest. We were both going to be a mess for Mackey the following day. I lay down beside her to watch her sleep with hopes my tiredness would kick in quickly. She had her knees up and her hands under her pillow as she rested in what seemed to be a peaceful slumber. I envied her that right away. I sighed as I counted my blessings; my sweet wife, my beautiful daughter, my devoted brother and sister-in law. They were all people I loved dearly and hoped my desire to find Logan did not drive away. Dean had been so heart broken when he saw what could be going on with his nephew it took all I had to kick him out so he could get some rest. He had enough on his plate without the addition of my issues. I lay on my back as I tried to clear my mind so I could rest. To many thoughts roamed around in my brain, it took every ounce of sanity to focus again on the good in my life before I dozed off.

---

The sun was high in the sky when I finally woke up to see the spot beside me was empty. I looked at the clock with one eye and was shocked to find it was after two in the afternoon. I groaned, I never slept that late; though I knew why it just seemed a bit indecent to be in bed after nine in the morning to me. I rolled over and got up into a sitting position before I went to grab a shower. I was startled to hear the bathroom door close as I rinsed my hair. I squinted as I saw Lydia get in the shower with a grin.

"Hey," she said as she grabbed the soap.

"Hey yourself," I said as my heart raced.

She started to rub the soap on a washcloth as she watched me watch her. It had been so long I felt a bit shy. However, my heart and other parts of my anatomy were catching on to the game quickly. I turned around to pick her and push her against the wall. She smiled as she kissed me under the spray of water.

"I missed you," she said.

I couldn't speak I could only show her how I had longed for her.

---

Thanks to Cassie and Kara, we had the whole day alone. They were taking care of our daughter while we indulged ourselves. It was a special treat before what I predicted could be the night from Hell. We spent most of our time just looking at one another but I confess I had never been able get enough of Lydia. She was the sultry siren men dreamed about with her full lips, sassiness and confidence. Every time she touched me, I would become aroused all over again. It wasn't something new for us, though it amazed me still. She bewitched me with her smile and her soft touch repeatedly, and not just on that day but the entire time we had known one another.

---

"You okay?" she asked me as she lay in my arms after our second time making love in the bed.

"Yeah, I'm good as could be expected."

"I hoped our time today would help you relax for later."

"It's working," I encouraged her as I leaned down to kiss her welcoming lips.

Then the phone rang. I sighed as I picked it up to find my brother on the other end.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me you told Gordon to forget coming tonight?" Dean said.

"Yes, I told him, it's just us and Bobby."

"Good I was just checking, sorry to interrupt."

_Sure Dean, just a way to make sure I am being the best I can be_, I thought with a smile.

"No problem, see you tonight," I said as Lydia moved the phone from my ear to put it back on the cradle.

"Enough talking," she said as she pulled me down to kiss her again.

---

Bobby showed up in time for dinner with us as well as Kara, Cassie and of course Dean. After our meal, the women did the dishes and chatted while we took Mackey in the living room to amuse her. She clapped her hands as she looked around at all of us funny looking guys. She ran to Dean as soon as he sat down so she could reach for him to put her in his lap. He obliged with a sad smile. It bothered me because he had every reason to be excited. He was expecting a kid at any moment. I felt down again because I wanted him to be happy for his future.

---

Bobby smiled as Dean played patty cake with the little girl.

"Good practice, for you Dean," Bobby said.

Dean smiled, "Yes, though I am not sure I will ever be ready."

"Oh you will be fine I'm sure," I said with a grin as my daughter jumped out his lap to head toward a surprised Bobby.

"I see they can be fickle," Bobby said as he picked her up as though she were a dirty diaper he was uncertain as to how to deal with. I laughed along with Dean who tried to hide it behind his hands. Mackey took a sniff of the older man and struggled to get back down to come into my arms.

"He's a nice man," I said to her as she held tightly to me while she sucked her thumb.

---

I went to the kitchen, to find Cassie was sitting down as the others tried to convince her to go to the hospital. I stood back to see what would happen.

"It's probably all that's going on, you should go," Kara said.

"No I'm fine I could be in labor for a long time, they told me when I called."

"Cassie, you should tell Dean," Lydia encouraged her.

"Right, Sam needs him tonight, I'll be fine."

Lydia shook her head and I could tell Cassie saw the look in her eyes.

"Don't you dare tell Sam."

"But Lydia's right, Dean would be devastated if you had this baby without him," Kara said with frustration.

I didn't want to be caught eavesdropping but I felt stuck to the spot.

"I just need to relax I will be fine," she said as Dean strode into the kitchen with only a glance in my direction.

---

He saw the look in his wife's eyes and knew something was wrong.

"Cassie why are you sitting down? You don't look well," he asked as he looked around the room for answers.

No one spoke and Cassie groaned.

"Nothing, probably, just the excitement about what you and Sam are up to tonight."

Dean kneeled in front of her, I could see he was torn, I felt upset all over again. He loved his wife but we both needed him. I should have intruded, let him know that his own family should mean more.

"So how about I take you to the hospital to be checked out?" he asked as again I felt bad for listening.

"But?"

"Wait, if it's going to be a long time or overnight I will bring you back here. I mean as long as you and the baby are fine, then great."

"Okay."

"Good," Dean said as helped her up, I was impressed with my sibling for making the right choice.

---

While Dean took care of Cassie, Bobby and I discussed the plan for later. We sat in my study, he was in a chair on one side of the desk while I sat down to double check my information in my desktop computer.

"So Dean has the ID cards?"

"Yep, he used a bit of sweet talk to distract some nurses while he took the cards."

"So those skills come in handy?"

I nodded, "From time to time I guess."

"And you have the map?"

"Yep, we just needed to check out the areas that look most promising for a um..for finding my kid," I said.

I had a feeling this had to be the night. Bobby watched me quietly for a few minutes.

"Sam, I really hope Logan is okay. But either way he is coming with us."

"That's all I'm saying," I said as I heard a car pull up.

I got up to open the shade to see who it was.

"Damn it."

"What?"

"It's Gordon."

"You called?"

"Well, I left a voice mail."

"Dean is going to flip."

"I know," I said as Gordon rang our doorbell.

---

_**Two years before**_,

There were days that I felt guilty about not actively seeking the Demon that killed Mom and Jess. Sometimes Dean would call and we would talk about old times and how we had such high hopes of getting our revenge.

"I think Dad would be so pissed," I said one day as Dean was quiet on the other end of the phone.

"Oh well, too bad for that I guess, but we should still try to watch the signs."

"Yeah who knows it may show up when we least expect."

I agreed it was a plan though all of us including Lydia still hunted from time to time just not as much since we had Logan. His gift had scared me silly, I never expected him to be burdened as I had been. Though there is no way I could have ever regretted having him in my life. He was a gift to us that we could have never foreseen. His little smile would light up a room. There were even times I wondered if he were angel because of his sweet disposition.

---

After Dean and Cassie married he spent a lot of time asking my advice, which floored me from the start. He had always been such a confident person that I was curious as to why he suddenly doubted himself so often.

"Man, you know Cassie like no one else how come you are second guessing yourself."

"I guess I don't want to lose her, now that I finally have her."

I shook my head, there had to be something I was missing. They were married after years of trying to get to that point he should be cockier than ever instead he was going backwards.

"Dean what are you not saying? I can't help without all the facts, man."

"I didn't tell you the entire truth about when I came back," he said.

That revelation was not as unexpected as he might have surmised, but I did not tell him that.

---

He went on to tell me that when he got to Cassie's house the day he returned she told him she was dating someone. She said she wanted a family and a life but she would chose someone else if he had no interest in those things.

"She was willing to accept the hunting, she said it was a part of me, she just didn't want me to walk away again and expect to return when I felt like it."

"And you accepted the terms obviously?"

"Sam, I love her then and now."

"Okay, so what is haunting you? I don't see the connection."

"I just want to be a good husband, it's not something I have training in. I have never been in a relationship.."

"I know Dean but you and Cas get along great, I mean you don't fight much any more, she seems happy. Dude, just relax."

"I know it's silly Sam, don't tell anyone okay."

"No of course not, sht I'm not perfect, we are all just human."

My brother smiled as he left that evening though I am not convinced he told me everything.

---

It was a month later, when I found out the reason he was so uneasy the day we discussed his marriage. Dean had a girlfriend or at least he was seeing someone outside his marriage. I saw them at a restaurant not far from our house. They sat in the window chatting then I saw my brother, the one who was so upset about being a bad husband kiss this dark haired beauty. It was not a peck on the check it was a full blown, lip lock. I had to do something there was no way around it.

---

I walked into the restaurant and went straight up to the table. Dean looked at me and had the nerve to blush.

"Hey," he said as the Brunette looked up at me.

"Dean we need to talk," I said without preamble.

"Sure," he said as he got up and smiled at the girl before we walked over near the rest rooms.

"What the hell man? How could you be worried about Cassie when you are here with another woman?"

"Sam, I'm sorry. I tried not to cheat I did. It's just too hard," he said as he frowned and ran his hands through his hair.

"Damn it Dean, you have to be committed to your wife. Life is hard. You can't do this…"

"Maybe I am just no good, maybe Cassie needs someone better than me…"

"No, Damn it, you are going to do this, you love her. You know you love Cassie. Tell me you did not sleep with that woman please."

"No, I just met her a couple of weeks ago, she came into the shop when I was there and we got to talking."

"Damn it, Dean, did you happen to mention you were married?"

"She knows."

"Oh great, not only are you cheating but you are with an adultress who knows the truth. She is the worse kind, man. Tell me you will end it before it's too late. Cassie deserves more than this from you."

My brother looked into my angry face and swore he would do it. He promised he would do better than throw his marriage down the drain. He confessed that he did love his wife and he had let a moment of weakness cloud his judgment. He had not even been careful in his actions anyone could have seen them.

---

I went outside without going back to the table to meet the woman who could change my brother's life forever. He had spent to much energy on getting married to the woman he truly loved for it to end that way. I watched as he went to the table, made an excuse and met me outside. He seemed somber as we walked to our cars.

"Sam, I screwed up, man. I let myself get off track. It was stupid. I am glad you saw us today."

"You were going to go sleep with her weren't you?"

He gave me a half nod.

"Dean, tell Cassie about this, man, maybe she will forgive you and it can be over."

"What if she doesn't forgive me?"

"Then that is how it goes sometimes," I said as I tried the tough love I had read so much about.

---

Dean was lucky with Cassie she accepted his explanation though she kicked him out of her bed for a while. I am certain he never mentioned my part in his change of attitude because that would have put a whole different spin on things for her. I watched him after that. He did try harder he seemed to get into the spirit of marriage and family, after my lecture. I love my brother and if I thought for one minute he had chosen Cassie unwisely I would have given him different advice that day in the restaurant. The thing is Dean never knew I had had a vision of him and the lady the night before.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Two years before

When I first began to have visions they always had something to do with the demon or kids like me. Since I met up with Lydia the visions changed. Missouri insisted it was because I was accepting them as part of me. There were times like the incident with Dean that I was glad to have foresight. When I dreamed of the Brunette that Dean was with in his affair she was a witch. I also saw that she was with Dean to trip him up. It was all a set up to make him miserable something demons enjoy. I waited until after he had confessed to Cassie to tell him about it.

---

"Why didn't you tell me right away?" he asked as we sat in his living room one sunny after noon.

"First off I didn't have the dream in time to tell you, it was only the night before I saw you that I had the vision."

"Oh, not much warning huh? So you knew where to find me?"

"Yep."

Dean took a long swig on his beer as he looked toward the kitchen where Cassie and Lydia where making the lunch.

"Thanks either way, I wouldn't want to lose my wife."

"I knew that Dean, but you need to be careful you know Cas would rather yu tell her the truth as you have always done," I said with a smile.

"I hate lying to her, it has always been a strange part of her effect on me," he grinned.

----

Present Day

I went to let Gordon in the front door though I had no idea what to tell him.

"Hey, I guess you didn't get my message," I said as I moved for him to enter the living room.

Lydia came in the room surprised to see Gordon was there. She smiled at him but raised an eyebrow at me.

"I guess he didn't get the message," she said to no one in particular.

"What message?" he asked as he looked from one of us to the other.

"We don't need a fourth person, tonight."

He looked confused.

"Man, you are going to need all the back up you can get," he said confidently.

"No I have enough info that we should be able to get in and out with little problem."

"Well, I drove all this way, I would still like to help. Who is staying with the ladies?" he asked.

"We will be fine, Gordon, but we are sorry we you came this far for no reason," she said.

I felt bad because he had seemed excited to do something good for our family. I began to have doubts about not letting him help. In the back of my mind I figured Gordon knew Dean was the reason he wasn't going with us.

"Hey, I won't force you to let me go but, I hope you know what you are doing."

Lydia smiled as she left the room as she assumed everything was straightened out.

---

Gordon and I stood awkwardly a few moments before I confessed to him that I had a vision that had helped tremendously in our plan.

"That's great Sam, but you still don't think someone outside would make things go smoother."

"To be honest I …."

Dean and Cassie walked in with smiles.

"Gordon?" Dean said when he realized who was standing in our living room.

"Hey, Dean, man, good to see you."

"Sam?" my brother said as he cringed at the sight of Gordon.

Cassie looked uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"He didn't get my message, Dean," I said with a defeated tone to my voice.

"Uh huh, I see that. Can we talk, Sam?"

"Sure," as said I motioned for Gordon to have a seat.

---

Dean and I went down the hall to the office where Bobby waited. He frowned when he saw Dean.

"That was quick," Bobby said.

"She is fine, but she is stressing and I still think that can't be good," Dean said as he sat down on the sofa and put his feet up on my table.

"Maybe you should stay here then…"

"No she is fine the doctor said not to worry."

"But…"

"But I can't believe that you want Gordon to go and not me," he said as she frowned up at me.

I told him it wasn't about what I wanted but about keeping Cassie safe.

Bobby groaned.

"Why don't you guys go with Gordon and I will stay here."

"No," Dean said as he stood up again before he left the room.

---

I am not sure what Dean told Gordon but I heard his car leave a few minutes before Dean came back in the room. I looked up from the desk with concern on my face.

"I was nice," he insisted with a smirk.

The smirk told me all I needed to know, _don't ask._

_---_

We left the house around midnight to go to the hospital. The plan was to let Bobby go in first complaining of heart pains. After he distracted the few nurses on duty we snuck in the door carefully and went straight to the surgical suite to go in the hidden door to the institute. Bobby was to stay behind and call us if he saw someone come our way. Once we were downstairs we went into a hallway not unlike a hospital. There were so-clean-that-you-could-eat-off-them floors and several rooms with windows. But the further we went down the hall the atmosphere changed from one of a hospital to one of an institution. It was reminiscent of an asylum. I got a chill when I recalled my vision.

---

In the vision, that had revived some children after they told their parents they were dead because for one reason or anothe their children had differences that were of interest to doctors. Logan's healing would have drawn their attention right away but the other children were special because of the various conditions they had been diagnosed with. Basically they revived them when it would have been more humane to let them die. I felt a little sick when I remembered it. They experimeted on children whose parents thought they were dead, how could mankind be so cruel to one another and children no less? I shook my head.

---

We had yet to see more than two nurses who had passed by us as we hid in a mop closet. We had been in between sections at the time and they nurses had no idea about us. We were lucky. In the asylum like part was where I had seen Logan in my vision. The rooms had regular doors and the curtains were drawn. I knew the number I was looking for and the closer I got to it the more apprehensive I became. I was ahead of Dean and he kept watch behind us. When I heard a scream and the sound of something falling followed by a curse I knew we were almost to our destination. I nurse ran out of the door nearest us but went in the other direction, both of us held our breath and I think I hoped I was invisible though it was not one of my gifts. We let out a collective sigh as we passed the door to see it was a break room, glass was on the floor but the room was empty.

---

A minute later, we passed the first room where the curtains were open, we stopped because there was nurse talking to a toddler in the room and we didn't want to be seen. When she turned to put the baby in the bed we ran by the window. My heart beat sped up as we rounded the corner and I saw my little boy in another open curtain room. He was in a bed like the one we had seen a moment before, he seemed to be asleep. That was when our luck ended.

---

"You can't be here," the nurse said as she came toward us from the other direction. She reached for her walkie talkie and Dean lunged at her as he ran from behind me. It's a good thing because I will still in shock after seeing my son.

"Sam, snap out of it," he said as he turned to face me I could see the nurse with a needle in her hand.

Two steps and I kicked it from her hand. Dean pushed her other hand behind her and held a hand over her mouth.

"We don't want to hurt you," he said as I reached for my back pack to pull out the rope we had brought with us. In a few minutes, she was tied up and tape was over her mouth. We stuck her in a utility closet and locked the door from the outside.

---

We figured out time was pretty much gone since they had camera's every where except certain corners. We still tried to avoid them as we ran back to grab Logan. I hesitated once I was in his room, but Dean poked me to snap me out of that.

"We have to hurry, Sam," he whispered since Logan was not the only toddler in the room.

I picked up my sleeping child as I looked around to see there were two more children in the room. Dean made note of names while we hurried to leave as soon as possible. I couldn't think of anything but getting out. We rushed to the exit where Bobby was to be waiting. We made it into the car and were leaving the lot before we were stopped.

---

The security guard asked us a few questions but was satisfied we had a legitimate reason for being at the hospital so he let us leave with no problems. I sat in the back with Logan as I tried to reconcile the fact that he was alive but not awake after all the commotion with my emotions that were at a stand still. _My son is alive, Logan is alive. _Dean looked at me in the mirror with a slight smile though I could see concern in his eyes.

"Is he okay?"

"I hope so I think they sedated them so they would be quiet at night. I mean those other kids didn't wake up either when we went in."

"Yeah I noticed that, I did get their names we will contact their families anonymously," my brother said.

_Maybe there is a God, Logan is alive, I couldn't help thinking._

_---_

When we got to the house we realized no one was home.

"Sht," Dean said as we walked around the empty house.

He got out his cell to call Cassie only to have Lydia answer it.

"What is going on?" he asked.

"Dean, Cassie is in labor."

"Why didn't anyone call?"

"She wanted you to be there with Sam, come now, okay."

Dean hung up the phone before he headed toward the door, I stayed with Logan as Bobby went with my brother. I had no way to be in two places and I needed to be with my son when he woke up. When they were gone I dialed Lydia's cell to tell her the news.

---

"Are you sitting down?" I asked her tentavely.

"Yeah, Sam please tell me," she said with desperation in her voice.

"He is here, Baby, Logan is alive," I said as the tears dripped down my face.

"Oh thank God," she said.

"Lydia he is out now though, I think they sedated him."

"What?"

"His breathing is normal he is just asleep here in my arms. I think if he sleeps it off we can tell better if he is healing."

"Okay," she said as she kissed her little girls head as she watched her mother on the phone.

"Thank you, Sam."

"Don't thank me, he is our baby, thank you. Hey, I will let you check on Cassie and I will call if I need to okay."

"I love you," she said as they hung up.

---

The next morning I wanted to go the hospital but was afraid Logan would be recognized so Lydia stayed back with him. He had woken up a bit sluggish but seemed to be fine. We would keep a close watch on him for any other odd signs. He smiled when he saw Mackey and her face lit up wide. I could see Lydia was on the verge of tears from the kid's reunion. I left to let them have some bonding time.

---

We had discussed the implications of taking Logan home and decided the hospital was absolutely in the wrong. However, without bringing attention to our son's gifts, if he still had them, we refused to cause problems. We decided to simply move away to a new town. To have Logan back safe and sound had been our goal in investigating the hospital, in the first place. Dean suggested that the other families could persue the doctors and we would keep a close eye on the case maybe even perhaps threw in some anonymous facts to help one of the other families.

---

At the hospital I finally met my niece, Allysa Jordan. She was small but

beautiful to us, all. Dark haired with dark eyes and true Winchester dimples from the start. I looked at her in her incubator as she seemed to be figety. I saw my brother as he sat beside her staring at her. Cassie was in a wheelchair by my leg.

"She is a beauty, Cassie."

"You may be a bit biased Sam," she said.

"No doubt about it," I said as I bent down eye level with my sister in law.

"I'm glad Logan will be okay, Sam," Cassie said with a grim smile.

"Me too and thanks for your sacrifice last night, I needed Dean with me."

"Hey that is what family does," she said as she went back to watching her husband and child. She was right, family is my life as I know it.

The End.

Let me know if you have interest in a sequel.


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